TINSE L. Ah, my dear, they wou'd fay you lov'd your fecond; and they wou'd own I deferv'd it, for I fhall love thee most inordinately. LADY. But what wou'd people think? TINSE L. Think! why they wou'd think thee the Mirrour of widowhood-That a Woman fhou'd live fourteen whole months after the decease of her Spouse, without having engaged herself. Why, about town, we know many a woman of quality's fecond Husband several years before the death of the firft. LADY. Ay, I know you Wits have your common-place jefts upon us poor Widows. TINSEL. I'll tell you a flory, Widow; I know a certain Lady, who confidering the craziness of her husband, had, in cafe of mortality, engaged herself to two young fellows of my acquaintance. They grew fuch defperate rivals for her while her husband was alive, that one of them pink'd the other in a duel. But the good Lady was no fooner a Widow, but what did my dowager do? Why faith, being a woman of Honour, fhe married a third, to whom, it seems, she had given her firft promise. LADY. And this is a true story upon your own knowledge? TINSE L. Every tittle, as I hope to be marry'd, or never believe Tom Tinfel. LADY. Pray, Mr. Tinfel, do you call this talking like a Wit, or like a Rake ? TINSE L. Innocent enough, he, he, he! Why! where's the dif ference, my dear? LADY. LADY. Yes, Mr. Tinfel, the only man I ever lov'd in my life, had a great deal of the one, and nothing of the other in him. TINSE L. Nay, now you grow vapourish; thou'lt begin to fancy thou hear'ft the Drum by and by. LADY. If you had been here last night about this time, you would not have been fo merry. TINSE L. About this time, fay't thou? Come faith, for the humour's fake, we'll fit down and listen. LADY I will, if you'll promise to be ferious. TINSE L. Serious! never fear me, child. not hear him ? LADY. Ha, ha, ha! doft You break your word already. Pray, Mr. Tinfel, do you laugh to show your wit or your teeth! TINSE L. Why, both my dear. I'm glad however, that she has taken notice of my teeth. [Afide.] But you look ferious, Child; I fancy thou heark the Drum, doft not? Don't talk fo rafhly. LADY TINSE L. Why, my dear, you could not look more frighted if you had Lucifer's Drum- major in your house. LADY. Mr. Tinfel, I muft defire to fee you no more in it, if you dot leave this idle way of talking. TINSEL. Child, I thought I had told you what is my opinion of Spirits, as we were drinking a difh of tea but juft now -There is no fuch thing, I give thee my word. LADY. Oh, Mr. Tinfel, your authority muft be of great weight to those that know you. TINSE L. For my part, Child, I have made myfelf eafy in those points. LADY Sure nothing was ever like this fellow's vanity, but his ignorance. TINSEL. [Afide. I'll tell thee what now, Widow, I wou'd engage by the help of a white sheet and a penyworth of link in a dark night, to frighten you a whole country village out of their fenfes, and the Vicar into the bargain. [Drum beats.] Hark! hark! what noife is that! Heaven defend us! this is more than fancy. LADY. It beats more terrible than ever. TINSE L. "Tis very dreadful! what a dog have I been to speak against my confcience, only to fhew my parts! LADY. It comes nearer and nearer. I wish you have not anger'd it by your foolish discourse. TINSE L. Indeed, Madam, I did not speak from my heart; I hope it will do me no hurt, for a little harmless rallery. LADY. Harmless, d'ye call it? it beats hard by us, as if it wou'd break through the wall. TINSE L. What a devil had I do with a white fheet? [Scene opens and difcomers Fantome. TINSE L. Mercy on us! it appears. LADY. Oh! 'tis he! 'tis he himself, 'tis Sir George! 'tis my husband. TINSE L. [She faints. Now wou'd I give ten thousand pound that I were in town. [Fantome advances to him drummingI beg ten thousand pardons. I'll never talk at this rate any more. [Fantome fill advances drumming. By my Soul, Sir George, I was not in earnest [falls on his knees.] Have compaffion on my youth, and confider I [Fantome points to the door.] But am but a coxcomb fee he waves me off with all my heart devil had I to do with a white sheet? What a [He feals off the ftage, mending his pace as the Drum beats. FANTOME. The scoundrel is gone, and has left his Mistress behind him. I'm mistaken if he makes love in this houfe any more. I have now only the Conjurer to deal with. I don't queftion but I fhall make his reverence fcamper as faft as the lover. And then the day's my own. But the fervants are coming. board. into I must get my cup [He goes in. Enter A BIGAL and Servants. ABIGA L. O my poor Lady! this wicked Drum has frighted Mr. Tinfel out of his wits, and my Lady into a fwoon. Let me bend her a little forward. She revives. Here, carry her into the fresh air, and she'll recover. carry her off] This is a little barbarous to my Lady, but 'tis all for her good: and I know her fo well, that fhe wou'd not be angry with me, if fhe knew what I was to get by it. And if any of her friends fhou'd blame me for it hereafter, I'll clap my Hand upon my Purfe, and tell 'em, "Tavas for a thousand Pound, and Mr. Vellum. |