He, in the first place, accufed his adversary of Scandulum magnatum, and of fpeaking against his fuperiors with faucinefs and contempt. As the plain good man was not of a make to have any friends at Court, he was a little startled at this accufation, till at length he made it appear, that it was impoffible for any of his family to be either faucy or cringing; for that their character was, above all others in the world, to do what was required of them by the Court, that is, To SPEAK THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. The Count in the next place affured the Court, that his antagonist had taken upon him a wrong name, having curtailed it of two or three letters for that in reality his name was not FACT but FACTION. The Count was so pleased with this conceit, that for an hour together he repeated it in every fentence; calling his antagonist's affertions, the reports of faction; his friends, the fons of faction; the teftimonies of witneffes, the dictates of factition: nay, with such a degree of impudence did he push this matter, that when he heard the cries of above a million of people begging for their bread, he termed the prayers and importunities of fuch a ftarving multitude, the CLAMOURS OF FACTION. As foon as the Count was driven out of this device, he affirmed roundly in the Court, that FACT was not an Englishman by birth, but that he was of Dutch extraction, and born in Holland. In confequence of this affertion, he began to rally the poor Plaintiff, under the title of MYNHEER VAN FACT; which took pretty well with the fimpletons of his party, but the men of fenfe did not think the jeft worth all their lands and tenements. When When the Count had finished his fpeech, he defired leave to call in his witneffes, which was granted when immediately there came to the bar a man with a hat drawn over his eyes in fuch a manner that it was impoffible to fee his face. He fpoke in the fpirit, nay in the yery language of the Count, repeated his arguments, and confirmed his affertions. Being asked his name; he said the world called him MERCATOR; but as for his true name, his age, his lineage, his religion, his place of abode, they were particulars, which for certain reafons he was obliged to conceal. The Court found him fuch a falfe, fhuffling, prevaricating rafcal, that they fet him afide as a perfon unqualified to give his teftimony in a Court of Juftice; advifing him at the fame time, as he tendered his ears, to forbear uttering fuch notorious falfhoods as he had then published. The witnefs however perfifted in his contumacy, telling them he was very forry to find, that notwithstanding what he had faid they were refolved to be as arrant fools as all their forefathers had been for a hundred years before them. There came up another witness who spoke much to the reputation of Count Tariff This was a tall, black, bluftering perfon, drets'd in a Spanish habit, with a plume of feathers on his head, a Golillio about his neck, and a long Toledo fticking out by his fide; his garments were fo covered with tinfel and fpangles, that at a distance he feemed to be made up of filver and gold. He called himself DON ASSIENTO, and mentioned feveral nations that had fought his friendship; but declared that he had been gained over by the Count; and that he was come into these parts to enrich every one that heard him. The Court was at firft very well pleafed pleafed with his figure, and the promises he made them; but upon examination found him a true Spaniard: nothing but fhow and beggary. For it was fully proved, that notwithstanding the boasts and appearance which he made, he was not worth a groat: nay, that upon cafting up his annual expences, with the debts and incumbrances which lay upon his eftate, he was worfe than nothing. There appeared another witnefs in favour of the Count, who spoke with fo much violence and warmth, that the Court began to liften to him very attentively; till upon hearing his name they found he was a notorious Knight of the poft, being kept in pay, to give his teftimony on all occafions where it was wanted. This was the EXAMINER; a perfon who had abused almost every man in England, that deferved well of his country. He called Goodman Fat a lyar, a feditious perfon, a traitor, and a rebel; and fo much incensed the honeft man, that he would certainly have knocked him down if he could have come at him. It was allowed by every body, that fo foul-mouthed a witness never appeared in any caufe. Seeing feveral perfons of great eminence, who had maintained the cause of Goodman Fact, he called them idiots, blockheads, villains, knaves, infidels, atheists, apoftates, fiends and devils; never did man fhow fo much eloquence in ribaldry. The Court was at length fo juftly provoked with this fellow's behaviour, who fpared no age, nor fex, nor profeffion, which had fhown any friendship or inclination for the Plaintiff, that feveral began to whisper to one another, it was high time to bring him to punishment. But the witnefs overhearing the word pillory repeated twice or thrice, flunk away privately, and hid himself among the Feople. After After a full hearing on both fides, Count Tariff was caft, and Goodman Fact got his caufe; but the Court fitting late, did not think it fit at that time to give him cofts, or indeed to enter into that matter. The honeft man immediately retired, after having affured his friends, that at any time when the Count fhould appear on the like occafion, he would undertake their defence, and come to their affiftance, if they would be at the pains to find him out. It is incredible, how general a joy Goodman Fact's fuccefs created in the city of London; there was nothing to be feen or heard the next day, but fhaking of hands, congratulations, reflexions on the danger they had efcaped; and gratitude to thofe who had delivered them from it. The night concluded with balls, bonfires, ringing of bells, and the like public demonftrations of joy. |