FANTO ME. Pr'ythee make ufe of all thy art, for I am tir'd to death with ftrowling round this wide old houfe like a Rat behind a wainscot. ABIGA L. Did not I tell you, 'twas the purest place in the world for you to play your tricks in? there's none of the family that knows every hole and corner in it, befides my felf. FANTOME. Ah Mrs. Abigal! you have had your intrigues ABIGAL. For you must know, when i was a romping young girl, I was a mighty lover of hide and feek. FANTOM E. I believe, by this time, I am as well acquainted with the house as your felf. ABIGA L. You are very much mistaken, Mr. Fantome; but no matter for that; here is to be your station to-night. This is the place unknown to any one living befides my felf, fince the death of the Joyner; who, you must understand, being a lover of mine, contriv'd the wain. scot to move to and fro, in the manner that you find it. I defign'd it for a wardrobe for my Lady's caft cloaths. Oh! the ftomachers, ftays, petticoats, commodes, lac'd fhoes, and good things that I have had in it----- pray take care you don't break the cherrybrandy bottle that ftands up in the corner. FANTOM E. Well, Mrs. Abigal, I hire your clofet of you but for this one night ----- a thousand pound you know is a very good rent. ABIGA L. Well, get you gone; you have fuch a way with you, there's no denying you any thing! FAN FANTOME. I'm a thinking how Tinfel will ftare when he fees me come out of the wall: for I'm refolved to make my appearance to-night. ABIGA L. Get you in, get you in, my Lady's at the door. FANTOM E. Pray take care fhe does not keep me up fo late as she did last night, or depend upon it I'll beat the Tattoo. ABIGA L. I'm undone! I'm undone [As he is going in.] Mr. Fantome, Mr. Fantome, you have put the thousand pound bond into my brother's hands. FANTOM E. Thou shalt have it, I tell thee, thou fhalt have it, [Fantome goes in. ABIGA L. No more words. - vanish, vanish. Enter L A D Y. ABIGAL, [opening the door.] Oh, dear Madam, was it you that made fuch a knock ing my heart does fo beat I vow you have frighted me to death -- I thought verily it had been the Drummer, LADY I have been showing the garden to Mr. Tinfel; he's most insufferably witty upon us about the ftory of the Drum. ABIGA L. Indeed, Madam, he's a very loose man! I'm afraid 'tis he that hinders my poor mafter from refting in his grave. LADY Well! an Infidel is fuch a Novelty in the country, that I I am refolv'd to divert my self a day or two at least with the odd nefs of his converfation. ABIGA L. Ah, Madam! the Drum begun to beat in the house as foon as ever this creature was admitted to visit you. All the while Mr. Fantome made his addreffes to you, there was not a mouse stirring in the family more than us'd to be LADY. This baggage has fome defign upon me, more than I can yet difcover. [afide.] Mr. Fantome was always thy favourite. ABIGA L. Ay, and fhou'd have been yours too, by my confent! Mr. Fantome was not fuch a flight fantastick thing as this is. Mr. Fantome was the beft-built Man one fhou'd fee in a fummer's day! Mr. Fantome was a Man of Honour, and lov'd you! Poor Soul! how he figh❜d when he has talk'd to me of my hard-hearted Lady. Well! I had as lief as a thousand pounds you would marry Mr. Fantome! LADY. To tell thee truly, I lov'd him well enough till I found he lov'd me fo much. But Mr. Tinfel makes his Court to me with fo much Neglect and Indifference, and with fuch an agreeable Saucinessthat I fay I'll marry him. ABIGA L. Not Marry him, quoth-a! no, if you should, you'll be awaken'd fooner than marry'd Couples generally are. You'll quickly have a Drum at your window. LADY. I'll hide my contempt of Tinsel for once, if it be but to fee what this Wench drives at. ABIGA L. [Afide. Why, fuppofe your Husband, after this fair Warning he he has given you, fhou'd found you an Alarm at Midnight; then open your Curtains with a Face as pale as my Apron, and cry out with a hollow Voice, What doft thou do in Bed with this spindle-shank'd Fellow ? LADY. Why wilt thou needs have it to be my Husband? he never had any reason to be offended at me. I always lov'd him while he was living, and should prefer him to any Man, were he fo ftill. Mr. Tinfel is indeed very idle in his Talk, but I fancy, Abiga!, a difcreet Woman might reform him. ABIGA L. That's a likely matter indeed! did you ever hear of a Woman who had power over a Man, when she was his Wife, that had none while he was his Miftrefs! Oh! there's nothing in the World improves a Man in his Complaifance like Marriage! LADY. He is indeed, at prefent, too familiar in his Converfation. ABIGA L. Familiar! Madam, in troth, he's down-right rude. But that you know, Abigal, fhows he has no Diffimulation in him- - Then he is apt to jeft a little too much upon grave Subjects. ABIGA L. Grave Subjects! he jefts upon the Church. LADY. But that you know, Abigal, may be only to fhew his Wit-- Then it must be own'd, he is extremely talkative. ABIGA L. Talkative d'ye call it! he's down-right impertinent, LADY But that you know, Abigal, is a fign he has been us'd us'd to good Company -- Then indeed he is ve pofitive. ABIGA L. Pofitive! Why he contradicts you in every thing you fay. LADY. But then you know, Abigal, he has been educated at the Inns of Court. ABIGA L. A bleffed Education indeed! it has made him forget his Catechifm! Let him alone, Abigal, fo long as he does not call me My dear Wife, there's no harm done. TINSE L. I have been most ridiculously diverted fince I left you----- your fervants have made a convert of my booby. His head is fo filled with this foolish story of a Drummer, that I expect the rogue will be afraid hereafter to go upon a meffage by moon-light. LADY. Ah, Mr. Tinfel, what a lofs of billet-doux would that be to many a fine lady! }... ABI |