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on !_and what a groom—that whom I pleased. Who couldn't be athung chap's wages, I'll answer for it, were got with ten thousand a-year ?" Anpela equal to my salary !" Here was a

" I should go abroad to long pause. “ Now-just for the fun Russia directly; for they tell me

of the thing, only suppose luck was to there's a man lives there who could never being befal me, Say somebody was to leave dye this hair of mine any colour I

me lots of cash,-many thousands a- liked-egad! I'd come home as black year, or something in that line! My as a crow, and hold up my head as

stars! wouldn't I go it with the best high as any of them! While I was al l'he de of them!" Another long pause.

about it, I'd have a touch at my eye. notiee Gad, I really should hardly know brows"--Crash went all his castle

how to begin to spend it! I think, building, at the sound of his teakettle,

by the way, I'd buy a title to set off hissing, whizzing, sputtering in the s been Int: with — for what won't money buy? agonies of boiling over ; as if the in

The thing's often done; there was a tolerable beat of the fire had driven at Tonic

great biscuit baker in the city, the desperate the poor creature placed Liss Tanza

other day, made a baronet of, all for upon it, who instinctively tried thus I's daura

his money—and why shouldn't 1 ?" to extinguish the cause of its anguish. shon, and

He grew a little heated with the pro. Having taken it off and placed it upon

gress of his reflections, clasping his the hob, and placed on the fire a tiny oke! Bax

hands with involuntary energy, as he fragment of fresh coal, he began to stretched them out to their fullest ex- make preparations for shaving, by tent, to give effect to a very hearty pouring some of the hot water into an yawn. “ Lord, only think how it öld tea-cup, which was presently to

would sound ! like the 3

serve for the purposes of breakfast. smile , in Sir TITTLEBAT TITMOUSE, BARONET.

Then he spread out a bit of crumpled

whity-brown paper, that had folded up The

very first place I'd go to, after a couple of cigars which he had bought I'd got my title, and was rigged out over-night for the Sunday's special in Stulze's tip-top, should be -- our enjoyment—and which, if he supposed cursed shop, to buy a dozen or two they had come from any place beyond pair of white kid. What a flutter the four seas, I imagine him to have there would be among the poor pale been slightly mistaken. He placed this devils as were standing, just as ever, bit of paper on the little mantel-piece ; behind the counters, at Dowlas, Tag- drew his solitary, well-worn razor serag, and Co.'s, when my carriage drew veral times across the palm of his left up, and I stepped into the shop! Tag- hand; dipped his brush, worn within rag would come and attend to me a third of an inch to the stump, into himself. No, he wouldn't-pride the hot water; presently passed it wouldn't let him. I don't know, over so much of his face as he intended though: what wouldn't he do to turn to shave; then rubbed on the damp a penny, and make two and ninepence surface a bit of yellow soap-and in into three and a penny. I shouldn't less than five minutes Mr Titmouse quite come Captain Stiff over him; was a shaved man. But mark-don't but I should treat him with a kind of suppose that he had performed an exan air, too, as if–hem! how delight- tensive operation. One would have ful!” A sigh and a pause. Yes, thought him anxious to get rid of I should often come to the shop. Gad, as much as possible of his abominait would be half the fun of my for- ble sandy-coloured hair - quite the tune! And they would envy me, to contrary: Every hair of his spreadbe sure! How one should enjoy it! ing whiskers was sacred from the touch I wouldn't think of marrying till —and of steel; and a bushy crop of hair yet I wont say either; if I get among stretched underneath his chin, coming some of them out and outers—those curled out on each side of it, above his first-rate articles that lady, for in- stock, like two little horns, or tusks. stance, the other day in the Park-I An imperial-i.e. a dirt.coloured tuft should like to see her cut me as she of hair, permitted to grow perpendidid, with ten thousand a-year in my cularly down the under lip of puppies pocket! Why, she'd be running after and a pair of promising mustachios, me, or there's no truth in novels, poor Mr Titmouse had been compelled which I'm sure there's often a great to sacrifice some time before, to the deal in. Oh, of course, I might marry tyrannical whimsies of his yulgar em

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ployers, Messrs Dowlas and Tag-rag, chains, looking exceedingly stylish

, who imagined them not to be exactly especially coupled with a span-new suitable appendages for counter-jump- satin stock which he next buckled round

So that it will be seen that the his neck. Having put on his bright space shaved over on this occasion was boots, (without, I am sorry to say, any somewhat circumscribed. This ope, stockings,) he carefully insinuated his ration over, he took out of his trunk legs into a pair of white trowsers, for an old dirty-looking pomatum pot. the first time since their last washing; A little of its contents, extracted on and what with his short straps and the tips of his two fore fingers, he high braces, they were so tight that stroked carefully into his eye brows; you would have feared their bursting, then spreading some on the palms of if he should have sat down hastily. his hands, he rubbed it vigorously I am almost afraid that I shall hardly into his stubborn hair and whiskers be believed, but it is a fact, that the for some quarter of an hour; and then next thing that he did was to attach combed and brushed his hair into half a pair of spurs to his boots :—but, to a dozen different dispositions—so fas, be sure, it was not impossible that he tidious in that matter was Mr Tit might intend to ride during the day.

Then he dipped the end of a Then he put on a queer kind of under towel into a little water, and twisting waistcoat, which in fact was only a it round his right fore-finger, passed roll-collar of rather faded pea-green it gently over his face, carefully avoid- silk, and designed to set off a very ing his eyebrows, and the hair at the fine flowered damson-coloured silk top, sides, and bottom of his face, waistcoat; over which he drew a maswhich he then wiped with a dry cor. sive mosaic-gold chain, (to purchase ner of the towel ; and no further did which he had sold a serviceable silver Mr Tittlebat Titmouse think it neces- watch,) which had been carefully sary to carry his ablutions. Had he wrapped up in cotton wool; from been able to “ see himself as others which soft depository, also, he drew saw him," in respect of those neglected HIS RING, (those must have been sharp regions which lay somewhere behind eyes that could tell, at a distance, and and beneath his ears, he might not pos in a hurry, that it was not diamond,) sibly have thought it superfluous to ir- which he placed on the stumpy little rigate them with a little soap and finger of his red and thick right hand water ; but, after all, he knew best; and contemplated its sparkle with it might have given him cold: and exquisite satisfaction. Having probesides, his hair was very thiek and ceeded thus far with his toilet, he sat long behind, and might perhaps con- down to his breakfast, spreading the ceal any thing that was unsightly. shirt he had taken off upon his lap,

Then Mr Titmouse drew from under- to preserve his white trowsers from neath the bed a bottle of Warren's spot or stain-his thoughts alternating “incomparable blacking," anda couple between his late waking vision and his of brushes, with great labour and purposes for the day. He had no skill polishing his boots up to a butter, having used the last on the wonderful point of brilliancy. Ha. preceding morning ; so he was fain ving washed his hands, and replaced to put up with dry bread—and very his blacking implements under the dry and teeth-trying it was, poor felbed, he devoted a few moments to boil- low-but his eye lit on his ring! Having about three tea-spoonfuls of coffee, ing swallowed two cups of his quasi(as it was styled on the paper from which coffee, (eugh! such stuff!) he resumed he took, and in which he had brought his toilet, by drawing out of his other it-whereas it was, in fact, chicory.) trunk his blue surtout, with embossed Then he drew forth from his trunk a silk buttons and velvet collar, and an calico shirt, with linen wristbands and outside pocket in the left breast. Havcollars, which had been worn only ing smoothed down a few creases, he twice since its last washing-i. e. on put it on :--then, before bim the little the preceding two Sundays--and put vulgar fraction of a glass, he stood it

on, taking great care not to rumple twitching about the collar, and sleeves, a very showy front, containing three and front, so as to make them sit well; little rows of frills ; in the middle one concluding with a careful elongation of which he stuck three " studs," con- of the wrist-bands of his shirt, so as to nected together with two little gilt show their whiteness gracefully beyond


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the cuff of his coat-sleeve-and he limbs were pliant, and his motions succeeded in producing a sort of white nimble. boundary line between the blue of his

Here you have, then, Mr Tittlecoat-sleeve and the red of his hand. bat Titmouse to the life — certainly At that useful member he could not no more than an average sample of help looking with a sigh, as he had his kind; but as he is to go through often done before--for it was not a a considerable variety of situation and handsome hand. It was broad and circumstance, I thought you would red, and the fingers were thick and like to have him as distinctly before stumpy, with very coarse deep wrin- your mind's eye as it was in my power kles at every joint. His nails also to present him. Well-he put his were flat and sbapeless; and he used hat on, as I have said ; buttoned the to be continually gnawing them till lowest two buttons of his surtout, and he had succeeded in getting them stuck his white pocket landkerchief down to the quick-and they were a into the outside pocket in front, as sight to set a Christian's teeth on edge. already mentioned, disposing it so Then he extracted from the first-men- as to let a little of it appear above tioned trunk a white pocket handker- the edge of the pocket, with a sort of chief—an exemplary one, that had caresul carelessness--a graceful congone through four Sundays' show, trast to the blue; drew on his gloves; (not use, be it understood,) and yet took his cane in his hand; drained the was capable of exhibition again. A last sad remnant in his coffee-cup; and, pair of sky.coloured kid gloves next the sun shining in the full splendour made their appearance; which, how- of a July noon, and promising a gloever, showed such bare-faced marks rious day, forth sallied this poor felof former service as rendered indis- low, an Oxford Street Adonis, going pensable a ten-minutes' rubbing with forth conquering and to conquer ! bread crumbs. His Sunday hat, care- Petty finery without, a pinched and fully covered with silver-paper, was stinted stomach within ; a case of Back next gently removed from its well- versus Belly, (as the lawyers would worn box-ah, how lightly and deli- say,) the plaintiff winning in a canter! cately did he pass his smoothing hand Forth sallied, I say, Mr Titmouse, round its glossy surface! Lastly, he down the narrow, creaking, close stairtook down a thin black cane, with a case, which he had not quitted before gilt head, and full brown tassel, from he heard exclaimed from an opposite a peg behind the door—and his toilet window,“ My eyes! an't that aswell!" was complete. Laying down his cane He felt how true the observation was, for a moment, he passed his hands and that at that moment he was someagain through his hair, arranging it what out of his element; so he hurried so as to fall nicely on each side be- on, and soon reached the great broad neath his hat, which he then placed street, apostrophized by the celebrated upon his head, with an elegant incli- Opium-Eater, with bitter feeling, nation towards the left side. He was as“ Oxford Street !--stony-hearted really not bad-looking, in spite of his step-mother! Thou that listenest to the sandy-coloured hair. His forehead, sighs of orphans, and drinkest the to be sure, was contracted, and his tears of children.'' Here, though his eyes were of a very light colour, and spirits were not just then very buoya trifle too protuberant; but his mouth ant, the poor dandy breathed more was rather well-formed, and being freely than when he was passing seldom closed, exhibited very beautiful through the nasty crowded court teeth ; and his nose was of that de- (Closet Court) which he had just

; scription which generally passes for a quitted. He passed and met hundreds Roman nose. His countenance wore who, like himself, seemed released for generally a smile, and was expressive of a precious day's interval from intense -self-satisfaction ; and surely any ex- toil and miserable confinement during pression is better than none at all. As the week; but there were not many for the slightest trace of intellect in it, of them who had any pretensions to I should be misleading the reader if I vie with him in elegance of appear. were to say any thing of the sort. He ance-and that was a luxury! Who was about five feet five inches in height, could do justice to the air with which and rather strongly set, with a little he strutted along! He felt as happy, tendency to round shoulders :--but his poor soul, in his little ostentation, as A shopman,

his Corinthian rival in tip-top turn- Park," to see the fashions," which was out, after twice as long, and as anx- his favourite Sunday occupation. ious, and fifty times as expensive, His condition wa3, indeed, forlorn preparations for effective public dis- in the extreme. To say nothing play! Nay, my poor swell was greatly of his prospects in life-what was the superior of such an one as I have his present condition ? alluded to. Titmouse did, to a great with £35 a-year, out of which he had degree, bedizen his back at the expense to find his clothing, washing, lodging, of his belly ; whereas, the Corinthian and all other incidental expenses—his exquisite, too often taking advantage board being found him by his emof station and influence, recklessly ployers. He was five weeks in arrear both satiates his appetite within, and to his landlady-a corpulent old terdecorates his person without, at the magant, whom nothing could have expense of innumerable heart-aching induced him to risk offending, but his creditors. I do not mean, however, overmastering love of finery; for I to claim any real merit for Titmouse grieve to say, that this deficiency had on this score, because I am not sure been occasioned by his purchase of how he would act if he were to be. the ring he then wore with so much come possessed of his magnificent pride. How he had contrived to rival's means and opportunities for the pacify her—lie upon lie as he must perpetration of gentlemanly frauds on have had recourse to-I know not. a splendid scale. But we shall per- He was in debt, too, to his poor haps see by and by. He walked washerwoman in six or seven shillings along with leisurely step; for haste for nearly a quarter's washing ; and and perspiration were vulgar, and he owed five times that amount to a little had the day before him. Observe the old tailor, who, with huge spectacles careless glance of self-satisfaction with on his nose, turned up to him, out of a which he occasionally regarded his little cupboard which he occupied in bright boots, with their martial ap- Closet Court, and which Titmouse had pendage, giving out a faint tingling to pass whenever he went to or from sound as he heavily trod the broad his lodgings, a lean, sallow, wrinkled flags; his spotless trousers, his tight face, imploring him to " settle his surtout, and the tip of white hand. small account. All the cash in hand kerchief peeping accidentally out in which he had to meet contingencies befront! A pleasant sight it was to be- tween that day and quarter-day, which hold him in a chance rencontre with was six weeks off, was about twentysome one genteel enough to be recog- six shillings, of which he had taken nised--as he stood, resting on his left one for the present day's expenses ! leg ; his left arm stuck upon his hip; Revolving these somewhat dis. his right leg easily bent outwards; heartening matters in his mind, he his right hand lightly holding his ebon passed easily and leisurely along the cane, with the gilt-head of which he whole length of Oxford Street.

No occasionally tapped his teeth ; and his


one could have judged from his dressy eyes, half-closed, scrutinizing the face appearance, the constant smirk on his and figure of each “ pretty galas

face, and his confident air, how very she passed! This was indeed HAPPI

miserable that poor dandy was; but NESS, as far as his forlorn condition three-fourths of his misery were occould admit of his enjoying it. He casioned by the impossibility he felt of had no particular object in view. A his ever being able to indulge in his tiff over-night with two of his shop- propensities for finery and display. mates had broken off a party which Nothing better had he to occupy his they had agreed the Sunday preceding few thoughts. He had had only a in forming, to go to Greenwich on the plain mercantile education, as it is ensuing Sunday; and this little cir- called, i. e. reading, writing, and

. cumstance a little soured his temper, arithmetic: beyond a very moderate depressed as were his spirits before. acquaintance with these, he knew noHe resolved to-day to walk straight on, thing whatever; not having read more and dine somewhere a little way out than a few novels, and plays, and of town, by way of passing the time sporting newspapers. Deplorables till four o'clock, at which hour he in- however, as were his circumstancestended to make his appearance in Hyde “

“Hope springs eternal in the human breast.


And probably, in common with most began soon to be experienced by Mr who are miserable from straightened Titmouse. The sedative cause he circumstances, he often conceived, and erroneously considered to be the cigar secretly relied upon, the possibility of he was smoking; whereas in fact the an unexpected change for the better: only tobacco he had imbibed was from he had heard and readof extraordinary the porter. But, however that might cases of Luck. Why might he not be be, he certainly returned towards town one of the LUCKY? A rich girl might in a far calmer and even more cheerfall in love with him—that was, poor ful humour than that in which he had fellow! in his consideration, the least quitted it an hour or two before. unlikely way of luck's advent; or As he approached Cumberland some one might leave him money; or Gate, it wanted about a quarter to he might win a prize in the lottery ;- five; and the Park might be said to all these, and other accidental modes of be at its acme of fashion, as far as that getting enriched, frequently occurred could be indicated by a sluggish stream to the well-regulated mind of Mr of carriages, three and four a-breastTittlebat Titmouse ; but he never coroneted panels in abundance-noonce thought of determined, unweary- ble and well-known equestrians of both ing industry and perseverance in the sexes, in troops--and some thousand way of his business conducing to such pedestrians of the same description. a result.

So continuous was the throng, of carIs his case a solitary one?- Dear riages and horsemen, that Titmouse reader, you may be unlike poor Tittle did not find it the easiest matter in the bat Titmouse in every respect except world to shoot across to the footpath one!

in the minor circle. That, however, On he walked towards Bayswater; he safely accomplished, encountering and finding it was yet early, and con- no more serious mischance than the sidering that the farther he went from subdued “ D-n your eyes!” of a town the better prospect there was of groom, between whom and his master

his being able, with little sacrifice of Mr Titmouse had presumed to inter1,0 appearances, to get a dinner consistent

What a crowd of elegant wowith the means he carried about with men, many of them young and beauhim, viz. one shilling, he pursued tiful, (who but such, to be sure, would his way a mile or two beyond Bays- become, or be allowed to become, pewater, and, sure enough, came at destrians in the Park ?) he encounterlength upon a nice little public house ed, as he slowly sauntered on, all of on the roadside, called the Squaretoes them obsequiously attended by brilArms. Very tired, and quite smo- liant beaux ! Lords and ladies were here thered with dust, he first sat down in manifestly as plentiful as plebeians a small back room to rest himself; in Oxford Street. What an enchantand took the opportunity to call for a ed ground - How delicious this soft clothes-brush and shoe-brush, to re- crush and flutter of aristocracy! Poor lieve his clothes and boots from the Titmouse felt his utter insignificance. heavy dust upon them. Having thus Many a sigh of dissatisfaction and attended to his outer man, as far as envy escaped him; yet he stepped circumstances would permit, he be- along with a tolerably-assured air, thought himself of his inner man, looking every body he met straight in whose cravings he satisfied with a the face, and occasionally twirling pretty substantial mutton-pie and a about his little cane with an air which pint of porter. This fare, together seemed to say—“Whatever opinion with a penny to the little girl who you may form of me, I have a very waited on him, cost him tenpence; good opinion of myself.” Indeed, and having somewhat refreshed him. was he not as much a man-an Engself, he began to think of returning to lishman-as the best of them? What town. Having lit one of his two ci. was the real difference between Count gars, he sallied forth, puffing along Do-'em-all and · Mr Tittlebat Titwith an air of quiet enjoyment. Din- mouse ? Only that the Count had dark per, however humble, seldom fails, whiskers, and owed more money than especially when accompanied by a fair Mr Titmouse's creditors could be per

a draught of good porter, in some consi- suaded to allow him to owe! Would derable degree to tranquillize the ani- to Heaven— thought Titmouse-that mal spirits ; and that soothing effect any one tailor would patronise him, as



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