might easily spy out the Arabick alphabet between their Eye-brows. Their legs resemble mill-posts, both for shape, bigness, and strength; their hair is like that of an overgrown hostess; their gait like a Muscovian duck's; and their fingers strut out with the itch, like so many country justices going to keep a petty sessions. Their voice is like thunder, and will as effectually sowre all the milk in a dairy, or beer in a cellar, as forty drums beating a preparative. It is a very common thing for a woman of quality to say to her footman, Andrew, take a fast gripe of my a- and help me over the stile.'

They pretend to be descended from one Madam Scota, daughter to King Pharaoh; but the best proof, they give of it, is their bringing two of the plagues of Egypt along with them, viz. lice and the itch; which they have intailed upon their posterity ever

since.

Some are of opinion, that, when the Devil shewed our Saviour the kingdoms of the earth, he laid his thumb upon Scotland, and that for a twofold reason: First, because it was not like to be any temptation. Next, being part of his mother's jointure, he could not dispose of it during her life.

For their cookery and bedding, they are the antipodes of all cleanly folks. Can you like to breakfast upon steen bannock? (An oaten cake, often baked upon my hostess's warm wemb.) Or drink ropy ale, that is full as palpable, as ever the Egyptian darkness was? Would it please you to see a joint of meat ready to run away from you? And yet such must be your entertainment there.

In Edinburgh, the capital city, whither you are going, they have not a private forica; but, as their houses, which are incredibly high, consist of eight or ten distinct families, each of which possesses an intire floor, so, at every stair's-head, you may see a great tub, called a cogue, that is the receptacle-general of the nastiness of a whole family; for all disembogue here promiscuously, both males and females, masters and mistresses, with their servants, without the least restraint of modesty or shame. When this is competently full, two lusty fellows, by the help of a cowl-staff, carry it by night to a window, and, after crying, Geud peeple, leuk to yar selles there,' out they throw it; he, that comes by, has great cause to bless his stars, if he comes off with piss. It may be, at high noon, and in the principal street, you shall meet a tattered wretch, with a monstrous cloke, and a close-stool under it, bawling out, Wha wants me ?' For a half-penny you may be accommodated, and covered, whilst you are so.

Trees are great rarities: This made Sir Anthony Weldon, who knew the country very well, say, That, had Christ lived there, and been betrayed, as most certainly he would have been, if he had lived there, Judas might sooner have found the grace of repentance, than a tree to hang himself on. The high-street in Edinburgh, about three quarters of a mile long, is very fit, by reason of its breadth, for a triumph, from the Castle to Holy-rood

house; but the rest of the lanes, as they call them, are absolutely common-sewers, which make the city look like a comb.

No wonder, then, if the Scots, who are not unfitly resembled to a crepitus ventris, once Anglified, care not for returning to their native country; and yet, as the French refugees take all occasions to extol their monarch, his armies, palaces, &c. so these gentlemen, though in England, cannot forbear to magnify their own 'gude land.' He is happy, that believes their report, without going thither to refute it.

If you call to have your sheets aired, forty to one, but the wench, in great civility, proffers to uncase, and come into bed to you. I was much surprised at my landlady's asking me one night, If my cods lay right?' But I quickly cleared her from any ill meaning, when I understood, it is their name for the pillows.

You shall commonly hear a beggarly Scot, whose every meal is a stratagem, here in England, tell you of his felicities there, and how he used to walk about his father's perk, with a lacquey at his heels; but you must not immediately conceive too extraordinary an opinion of his grandeur; for, upon inquiry how many deer his father had in his perk, the truth will out, though to shame both Scot and Devil, That his father kept no deer in his perk, and that they call an inclosure a perk, in his country.' A Scotch laird, having got boosy, and mounted upon a mole-hill to survey his large demeans, asked his man, If he knew a greater lord than himself? He was told, Yes, viz. the Lord Jehovah.' Says he, Ise neer heard of that Lord, but get ye to him, and will him immediately to surrender all to me, or Ise pull him out by the lugs.' The servant, to honour his master's pride, seems to do so, and, upon his return, tells him he need not use such violent methods, it was but ask, and he might have his kingdom. Well, replies my gentleman, since he be so civil, deel take me, if ever I, or any of mine, set our foot where he's got to do.'

But, Sir, if you have the least regard to your own, or your country's reputation, you will never go thither to feed upon husks with swine, especially since you may have bread enough, and that of the finest sort, in our own universities. In a word, a Padua physician, a Salamanca doctor of divinity, and a Scotch master of arts, are three animals sunk below contempt, and not to be paralleled in the universe.

In the last place, for any advantage you are like to get, 1 dare be bold to say, you might hope for as much in one of those Lithuanian academies Dr. Crull speaks of, that are erected for the education of bears and other wild beasts.

Their colleges are neither, for learning, libraries, learned men, revenues, or structure, any more to be compared to ours, than a dancing-master's kit to a bass-viol, or a Welch vicarage to St. Paul's cathedral.

None but the principal and professors lodge within the walls at Edinburgh, to which you are going (I meddle not with St. Andrew's, Glascow, or Aberdeen, because I never saw them, and

hardly know how to believe the relations of those that have) so that you must undavoidably take up in the town with some fauce loon, who will stick to you as close as the ivy does to the oak, and for the same reason too, to draw away your sap from you. The scholars go like sword-men, and never can be called the gens togata, till they are laureated, i. e. take their degrees of masters of arts, which is constantly done at four years standing, and not unfrequentiy, especially if there be money in the case, sooner; then they oblige you with a most ample diploma, written in an effeminate sort of Latin, and as fulsome as a mountebank's panegyrick on his own balsam, or wonder-working Panacea: The scope of it is to satisfy your friends, to whom returning, that you have spent much money, travelled many miles, endured great hardships, and taken extraordinary pains, to very little purpose.

This college is divided into five distinct classes: Each of these has a several regent, who, from nine till twelve in the morning, and from two till five in the afternoon, shall entertain you with a lecture as jejune as a homily, but as terrible for length, as an old parliament fast; and they, you know, were reckoned dreadful enough. The only degree they confer, is that of master of arts; Dr. Rule, the present principal, is doctor of medicine, though a divine. They have two pretty tolerable philosophers, one an Aristotelian, the other a disciple of Cartes; but not a good mathematician, or sound Grecian, in their whole college. For their divinity, it is so so. They are intirely of the presbyterian cut, and made more haste to throw out bishops, than the Israelites did of old to expel the Canaanites. Theft, as being one of their liberal sciences, is rather cherished than punished: But adulterers and fornicators are miserably persecuted by them. If they detect a lady of pleasure, they oblige her, publickly, in the time of divine worship, to mount a theatre of ignominy, called, forsooth, the stool of repentance, to the end all the geude brethren may know where to have a whore. They are professed foes to all copy-hold tenures in divinity, and will much rather preach extempore nonsense, than use notes. In the time of King James I. soon after his coming into England, one of his own country thus accosted him, Sir,' says he, I am sorry to see your Majesty so dealt with by your prelatical tantivies, as you are: Alas! they can neither preach, nor pray, but by a beuk; if your Majesty will please to hear me, Ise doe bath without.' And so he did, till the King told him, He preached and prayed, as if he had never leuked in a beuk in his whole life.?

In the College library, they keep Buchanan's scull; however the lining be wanting, which had, methought, a pretty distich upon it: The first line I have forgot, but the second was thus:

Et decus es tumulo jam, Buchanane, tuo.

But I must correct myself. I intended only a letter, but have insensibly swelled it to the dimensions of a treatise. I will conclude my observations of the country with one short, and true, story. The

VOL. X.

famous Duke of Lauderdale, when first minister of state, was invited to dinner by the then Lord Chancellor, and as splendidly entertained as the poverty of the country would permit : At taking leave, says he, My Lord, Ise con you mickle thanks for your generous and noble treat, which puts me in mind of one proverb we have in use amongst us, viz. That feuls make feasts, and wise men eat them.' The other, loth to be out-done in point of civility, replied, Ye say vary right, my Lord; and it is as true, That wise men make proverbs, and feuls repeat them.' Well, lest I should surfeit you with my rugged prose, I will, for once and away, try to fall into the amble of rhyme doggrel:

And what, dear Sir, then is it quid reale,
That you design an iter boreale?

Are you so much a stoick, that this hot-land
You fear not to exchange for gelid Scotland?
Where, when you rise 'ith morning, e're a dozen
Can well be told, your fingers-ends are frozen.
Debate's the only fuel of that nation;
And you'll be hot alone in disputation.
Here you may warm your inside with a bottle,
But there must try to do't with Aristotle.
Good food's a thing so scarce too, that I'll tell ye,
Philosophy alone must fill your belly.

Instead of having that with dainties cram'd,
You must take up with Cartes and Le Grand.
And, if you'd keep your purse-strings quiet,
Live merrily on a Chamelion's diet.
Next: For its dressing 'tis assuredly
A perfect antidote 'gainst gluttony:
For he, that on their carbonado's looks,

Must needs say, God sends meat, the devil cooks.
Be therefore rul'd for once, abstain from it,
Unless you mean to take a northern vomit:
To be a brute's the only thing in fashion;
And nastiness the genius of that nation.
The things, that are abominated there,

Are clean shirts, swines-flesh, and the common-prayer.
But stay-What's your pretence? come let me know,
Is't to refine your intellect you go?

Sir, you affront your English education,

To borrow learning from its neighbour nation.
Whate'er there have been, I'm afraid you'll light on,
But few such men as Buchanan and Creighton.
They're all apostatiz'd to arrant sots,

Baotum Terra is the land of Scots.

In short, if naught's sufficient to dissuade you,
Wou'd all the dreadful plagues of Scotland had you.
Hunger, slovenliness, and troops of vermin,
Companions of Scotch gentry, and English carmen:

All these you are sure to meet, with many more,
More grievous than those mentioned before.
Your voyage all your cordial friends lament,
Where you'll be under rule, not government.
But he especially, who protests he's fervent,

When he subscribes himself your humble servant.

E. B.

PROPOSALS FOR CARRYING ON

AN

EFFECTUAL WAR IN AMERICA,

AGAINST THE FRENCH AND SPANIARDS.

Bellum justum, quibus necessarium, & pia arma, quibus in armis spes est. TIT. LIV.

Humbly offered to the Consideration of the King's most Excellent Majesty, the Right Honourable the Lords Spiritual and Temporal, and the Honourable the House of Commons.

From a Quarto Edition, printed at London, in the Year MDCCII.

LL Europe is justly alarmed at the succession of Spain so unexpectedly falling to the house of Bourbon, already 100 great. The intire reconciliation, and, as may be said, union of these two formidable monarchies, cannot but with good reasons cause the utmost jealousies in all their neighbours, who may be in danger of becoming their prey. Insomuch that a general confederacy, and well-cemented league, is absolutely necessary to support a vigorous and sudden war.

If you give these two powers time, they will more firmly unite together, induced to it, by the apprehensions they have of other nations. The French will inspire the Spaniards with their active and martial temper,

·Residesq; movebit.

Rursus ad arma viros.

with their art of government and management of their revenues, with their methods of advancing and engrossing trade; and we must expect in a short time to see the riches of the West-Indies fall into hands of these two nations, and they exclude all others.

Of all their neighbours the English have the greatest interest to hinder this mischief, and England is the only power that can, and ought to do it since its colonies are so vast, and populous, and