lation. These two old ladies had long been the stockfish of the village. They were a sort of landmarks, and were supposed by the juveniles of the place to be coeval with the market cross. That this however, was not the case, appeareth from the register of the parish church of Garryminster, wherein is recorded the Baptism of Bridget, daughter of Humphrey and Bridget Sibthurdle, baptized May 3, 1765; and of Dorothy, daughter of John and Sismunday Marchmyrtle, April 10, in the same year. We can most truly and seriously assure our readers that the sin of old maidenhood did not lie at the door of either of these ladies. On the contrary, their efforts to divorce themselves from celibacy had been numberless. Fate at length directed to the village Jonah Elderbury, Esq. a younger son's younger son, who retired in the 58th year of his age to Cripplesingleit, on a gold headed cane, and a life annuity of one hundred and nineteen pounds, odd shillings, odd pence, the bequest of an old aunt, for whom Jonah had invented a tooth powder equally choice and cheap. Jonah Elderbury, Esq. was a little man and a great beau; (on his arrival in the vicinity of the two spinsters he was called the beau with two strings.) He wore a little wig, very neat, and always appeared in a cinnamon coloured coat, and was of a faded apple bloom complexion. He carried age well; he also carried on damp days, a small silk umbrella with an ivory handle. He wore silk stockings, with long clocks, and being inside of the clocks, he was sometimes called Bell hammer, which accounts for his striking harmony with the two spinsters. They heard the name given him, and changed it to Bell-amour. To Mr. Elderbury accordingly, both ladies laid siege. They besieged him in hopes that he would beseech them; but each flattered herself with the hope of being the lucky she, and of disappointing the other. This was a powerful by-motive, for they were bosom friends. However, Mr. Elderbury's conduct was sufficiently ambiguous, not that he failed in paying the most decided attentions to either lady; on the contrary, he was equally assiduous to both, and here was the mischief. So equally did he divide himself, that he ran a chance of being cut dead, a catastrophe which was only prevented by the scarcity of bachelors in the village. To recur once more to the simile of the clock, (which is making the most of time,) he was like a pendulum, so impartial were his vibrations between the "two parties." At length, however, it appeared that things were coming to a crisis. Miss Dorothy Marchmyrtle had supernatural indications that something was agoing to come. three several mornings the coffee grounds had given mysterious hints; bride cake appeared in her dreams, and sparks bounced For from the fire. The rind of an orange thrown over her shoulder arranged itself in a true love knot. That of a turnip, to be sure, had represented an H; and might not Elderbury be spelt with that letter? and even if it were not the first letter of Elderbury, it was certainly the last of Jonah. On the morning of the fourth day, came a little flourish on the knocker, at the door of Miss Dorothy's dwelling; and a single knock, by way of peroration, a sort of miniature town knock, of a London rap in consumption. The door opened, and Miss Marchmyrtle's handmaid announced Mr. Elderbury. So "enter Jonah.". There was something more of constraint in Miss Dorothy's manner than usual, as she motioned Mr. Elderbury to a chair; a degree of consciousness which looks very well at sixteen; but it is perhaps reversed when the figures are reversed. This something, it has no name in the living tongue, was not, however, confined to the spinster. It seemed even still more to occupy and overwhelm the bachelor. Several a-hems. Information given and received on that recondite subject the state of the weather. Lapdog very well? Lapdog not very well, sick of a surfeit, occasioned by eating too many stewed oysters, poor dear thing. Friend Miss Sibthurdle very well? Miss Sibthurdle quite well. So passed half an hour. At the expiration of this period, the conversation, after a sort of Rubiconlike pause, was renewed. A new key was touched, and a mystery unlocked. "I have ventured to wait on Miss Marchmyrtle in consequence of-of-" a period or full stop. "No need of assigning any cause. Mr. Elderbury's visits always acceptable." Very good-very kind-very kind indeed. But the occasion of my present visit is one of so peculiar a nature, one in which my happiness is so materially a subject, that my dear Miss Marchmyrtle must excuse any want of connexion in detail of what it is impossible, perhaps, explicitly to detail." "I believe, I think, I imagine, I understand your meaning, sir. Beg you will compose yourself." "Then, madam, this-this-the attachment of which I would spark, you are acquainted with!" "I confess, Mr. Elderbury, to show you the frankness, with which I mean--with which it is my wish to speak, I own I have suspected it. Be quiet, Cupid." The last words were spoken to the lapdog, and not to Mr. Elderbury. "And may I then venture--may I hope that this too, too tender penchant of my heart for one of the most deserving of her sex, merits Miss Marchmyrtle's approbation? If so, my happiness will be complete." "Sir I protest. I am not prepared. Cupid, I say, how you tease me! I am not at this moment capable; my agitation is such; pardon me, sir." "How kind," said Mr. Elderbury, "how compassionate! Yet, forgive me, if I cannot leave this place without knowing the sentiments of one whose judgment is so paramount. The maiden sighed, sidled, bridled, looked amiable, said, "Sir, if you will take advantage of my agitation, I own your merit requires it. Your proposal has my concurrence." "I am the happiest of men !" exclaimed the lover. "Your approbation only was wanting to perfect my felicity; without that I could not have ventured to complete the union, dear as it is to my heart." "Of course not!" said the lady, whom this singular truism rather amazed. "Forgive me, madam, if I now leave you-you know a lover's feelings, and I must hasten to expedite matters." And the gentleman vanished, leaving Miss Dorothy astonished, that he should be in such haste to procure the license before the day was fixed. 66 66 "Ah! I understand you! An hour had not elapsed, when Miss Bridget Sibthurdle was announced. She was introduced to her friends dressing room. "My dear Dorothy, who do you think has just left me? Ah! I see you guess; but of course you must, he told me he had just left you." "If you mean Mr. Elderbury, my dear friend, certainly it is not long since he was here." "Yes, I know he has opened it all to you; he told me he had." "Indeed! he was in a great hurry to impart his tidings. Yet he seems so happy one cannot but pardon him." Well, my love, you know I have a favour to beg, which I am sure you will not refuse! our friendship will insure its being granted." "I think I guess,” replied Miss Dorothy; "well but speak, my dear." Why, you know there must be a bride's maid on this occasion.". "Precisely what I was thinking of. "Now I should be very happy, my dear Marchmyrtleyes, my dear friend, you certainly in preference to every other, shall be my bride's maid." "Your bride's maid! Miss Marchmyrtle ?" Certainly I promise it to you." "Oh! that is when you are married: yes, then, certainly, you shall return me the compliment!" When I am married! My dear Bridget, you are bewildered. Did not you just ask to accompany me as my bride's maid ?" "When! where! what do you mean?" cried the bewildered Bridget. "Madam this is no jesting matter, I assure you; I look on your conduct as unfriendly." Miss Marchmyrtle, your conversation is unintelligible—is strange, unaccountable; in a word, do you wish to appear as my friend on my approaching union with Mr. Elderbury, or not?" "Your union ma'am?" "Yes ma'am! Mr. Elderbury has as you know, this morning made proposals-" "Yes, to me," interrupted Miss Marchmyrtle. "Did you not say he told you of it ?" "His affection for me, he certainly told me he had, though without consulting me, informed you of; a liberty which I overlooked in him at the time. Had he known that I was to be thus insulted, he would have placed his confidence elsewhere." "Woman! it is false!" exclaimed Miss Marchmyrtle, unable to suppress the torrent of her rage. "You! marry you!" retorted the other, "you old-you ugly wretch!" "Come along! this instant, come along!" exclaimed Dorothy, and seizing her quandom friend by the arm, she dragged her away. The chair in which Miss Bridget had arrived was at the door, into it they both got; they were not very corpulent, and the vehicle was of easy dimensions. "To Mr. Elderbury's!" and to Mr. Elderbury's they were carried. "De"Indeed, The honour of this visit not a little surprised the gentleman in question, who was arranging a quantity of white kid gloves with which his table was covered. "Mr. Elderbury, you did me the honour of a visit this morning," said Miss Marchmyrtle, smoothing down her features as much as in her lay. "I had certainly that felicity; never, madam, did a visit at your dwelling confer more pleasure.' "You spoke, sir, of-of-an intended-a desired-on your part, I say-desired union." sired, ma'am ; I trust, nay I know on both sides." sir!" with a toss: "may I enquire, for the satisfaction of my friend and myself, the present name of the future Mrs. Elderbury!" "Are you not acquainted with it?" exclaimed the astonished bachelor. "I understood as much this morning, when I wanted to gain your approval of the intended event, that is of my marriage with my beloved Mary Murray." "Mary Murray! vile deceiver," exclaimed Miss Marchmyrtle. "O, Dorothy! O, Bridget! deceived, betrayed, undone !" wept, sobbed, and said both ladies in concert. "Mr. Elderbury, did you not this morning ask me if I was acquainted with your attachment""To Mary I did; I went to acquaint you, and afterwards, Miss Sibthurdle, with the circumstances, by each I was told, you were already acquainted with it." The ladies were dumbfounded. The question of approbation they had construed as a question of acceptance. Their hopes were ruined, and the bachelor lost. They departed, were reconciled, and joined in hatred against the new couple. They went home. Miss Sibthurdle to fondle her cat ;-and Miss Marchmyrtle to vent her spleen upon Cupid. FOR THE BOWER OF TASTE. MRS. WARE.—I am frequently visited with fits of inspiration. At such times it would be quite diverting to any one who takes an interest in beholding such paroxysms, to mark me well during their influence. In the first place, I vociferate for pen, ink and paper, whenever the fit may take me, with the lungs of a Stentor, as if my very life depended upon the obedience of my orders. When these articles are set before me, with my right hand I seize the pen-with my left I grasp my hair, and then while my eyes are in 'a fine frenzy rolling,' hook up, as it would seem, ideas from the bottom of my ink-stand. Sometimes they bite as fast as I can haul them in. At other times, I may wait ten or fifteen minutes, without having scarcely a nibble; though frequently I catch a glimpse of some magnificent one that floats by me, but will not suffer itself to be tolled to the surface, and then disappear forever! "Ah! who can tell how hard it is to climb, &c." I was visited with one of these inspirations' on the evening of the 28th of August 1827, when that beautiful phenomenon 'the midnight bow,' spanned the blue vault aboye us! This was the longest fit I ever had; it lasted twenty four hours, and I scribbled over two quires of foolscap' before I came out of it. I can give you but a few extracts only, as my time is much taken up in preparing the manuscript for the press, which will form a book of about two hundred pages. EXTRACTS FROM "NORTHERN LIGHTS." "Aurora Borealis ! mystery of Heaven! (There's for you!) (There "By thee is form'd the brilliant, midnight bow, Which merely spreads athwart the arch above- an original idea for you! every letter is worth a dollar!' as a brother-author once remarked of his own poetry.) |