he has given you, fhou'd found you an Alarm at Midnight; then open your Curtains with a Face as pale as my Apron, and cry out with a hollow Voice, What doft thou do in Bed with this spindle-shank'd Fellow? LADY. Why wilt thou needs have it to be my Husband? he never had any reafon to be offended at me. I always lov'd him while he was living, and should prefer him to any Man, were he fo ftill. Mr. Tinfel is indeed very idle in his Talk, but I fancy, Abigal, a difcreet Woman might reform him. ABIGA L. That's a likely matter indeed! did you ever hear of a Woman who had power over a Man, when she was his Wife, that had none while fhe was his Mistress! Oh! there's nothing in the World improves a Man in his Complaifance like Marriage ! LADY. He is indeed, at prefent, too familiar in his Conver fation. ABIGA L. Familiar! Madam, in troth, he's downright rude. LADY. But that you know, Abigal, fhows he has no Diffimulation in him Then he is apt to jeft a little too much upon grave Subjects. ABIGA L. Grave Subjects! he jefts upon the Church. LADY. But that you know, Abigal, may be only to fhew his Wit Then it must be own'd, he's extremely talkative. ABIGA L. Talkative d'ye call it! he's downright impertinent. LADY But that you know, Abigal, is a fign he has been us'd 149 us'd to good Company Then indeed he is very pofitive. ABIGA L. Pofitive! why he contradicts you in every thing you fay. LADY. But then you know, Abigal, he has been educated at the Inns of Court. ABIGA L. A blessed education indeed! it has made him forget his Catechifm ! Let him alone, Abigal, fo long as he does not call me My dear Wife, there's no harm done. 1801 TINSE L. I have been moft ridiculously diverted fince I left you your fervants have made a convert of my booby. His head is fo fill'd with this foolish story of a Drummer, that I expect the rogue will be afraid hereafter to go upon a message by moon-light. LADY Ah, Mr. Tinfel, what a lofs of billet-doux would that be to many a fine lady! ABL ABIGA L. Then you still believe this to be a foolish ftory? I thought my Lady had told you, that she had heard it herself. ABIGA L. Why, you would not perfuade us out of our fenfes. TINSEL. Ha, ha, ha! ABIGA L. There's manners for you, Madam. LADY. [Afide. Admirably rally'd! that laugh is unanswerable! now I'll be hang'd if you could forbear being witty upon me, if I should tell you I heard it no longer ago than last night. Fancy! TINSEL. LADY. But what if I fhould tell you my maid was with me! TINSE L. Vapours! vapours! pray, my dear Widow, will you answer me one question? had you ever this noise of a Drum in your head, all the while your husband was living? LADY. And pray, Mr. Tinfel, will you let me ask you another question; do you think we can hear in the country, as well as you do in town? TINSE L. Believe me, Madam, I could prefcribe you a cure for these imaginations. ABIGA L. Don't tell my Lady of imaginations, Sir, I have heard it myself. Whims! freeks! megrims! indeed Mrs. Abigal. Marry, Sir, by your talk one would believe your thought every thing that was good is a megrim. LADY. Why truly I don't very well understand what you mean by your doctrine to me in the garden just now, that every thing we saw was made by chance. ABIGA L. A very pretty fubject indeed for a lover to divert his mistress with. LADY. But I fuppofe that was only a taste of the converfation you would entertain me with after marriage. TINSE L. Oh, I shall then have time to read you fuch lectures of motions, atoms, and nature that you fhall learn to think as freely as the best of us, and be convinc'd in less than a month, that all about us is chance-work. LADY. You are a very complaifant perfon indeed; and fo you would make your court to me, by perfuading me that I was made by chance! TINSEL. Ha, ha, ha! well faid, my dear! why, faith, thou wert a very lucky hit, that's certain. LADY. Pray, Mr. Tinfel, where did you learn this odd way of talking? TINSE L. Ah, Widow, 'tis your country innocence makes you think it an odd way of talking. LADY. 2 LADY. Tho' you give no credit to ftories of apparitions, I hope you believe there are fuch things as fpirits! Simplicity! TINSEL. ABIGA L. I fancy you don't believe women have fouls, d'ye Sir? Foolish enough! TINSE L. LADY. I vow, Mr. Tinfel, I'm afraid malicious people will fay I'm in love with an Atheist. TINSE L. Oh, my dear, that's an old fashion'd word Really, Mr. Tinfel, confidering that you are fo fine a Gentleman, I'm amaz'd where you got all this learning! I wonder it has not spoil'd your breeding. TINSEL. To tell you the truth, I have not time to look into these dry matters myself, but I am convinc'd by four or five learned men, whom I fometimes over-hear at a Coffee-house I frequent, that our forefathers were a pack of affes, that the world has been in an error for fome thousands of years, and that all the people upon earth, excepting those two or three worthy Gentlemen, are impos'd upon, cheated, bubbled, abus'd, bamboozl'd-- ABIGA L. Madam, how can you hear fuch a profligate he talks like the London prodigal. LADY. Why really, I'm a thinking, if there be no fuch things VOL. II. I as |