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Anais Nin anxiety appeared became blind blue body breath Bruno caresses chastity belt Chess Player child Chinese dictionary colors dance danger danger danger dark desire Djuna door dream dress emollient everything explosion eyes face faith father fear feel feminine flowers gave gayety Gerard gestures gifts hair hands hate Helen human hunger hurt Jay's Joan of Arc knew LADDERS TO FIRE laughed Laura leaped light Lillian felt lived looked lost lover marriage mirror Montparnasse mood mother mouth moved muff Nanny never night pain painting passion Paul Klee perfume phosphenes piano play pleasure Rango reality rhythm role Sabina scene screen secret seemed smile Stella stood street strength studio talked thought tion took touched trapeze trombone turned violent voice waiting walked wanted warm warmth watched window woman women words