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both in a tale: Have you writ down none?
2 Watch. This is all.
Sexton. And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away; Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner refused, and upon the grief of this, suddenly died.— Master constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato's; I will go before, and show him their examination.
Dogb. Yea, marry, that's the eftest way: the watch come forth : · Masters, I charge you, in the prince's name, accuse these men.
1 Watch. This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's brother, was a villain. Dogb. Write down prince John a villain : Why this is flat perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.
Bora. Master constable,
Dogb. Pray thee, fellow, peace; I do not like thy look, I promise thee.
Sexton. What heard you him say else?
2 Watch. Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John, for accusing the lady Hero wrongfully.
Dogb. Flat burglary, as ever was committed.
Sexton. What else, fellow?
1 Watch. And that count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.
Dogb. O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this. Sexton. What else 2
- Before Leonato's House. Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO.
Ant. If you go on thus, you will kill yourself; And 'tis not wisdom, thus to second grief Against yourself.
Leon. I pray thee, cease thy counsel, Which falls into mine ears as profitless As water in a sieve: give not me counsel; Nor let no comforter delight mine ear, But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine. Bring me a father, that so lov'd his child, Whose joy of her is overwhelm'd like mine, And bid him speak of patience; Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine, And let it answer every strain for strain; As thus for thus, and such a grief for such, In every lineament, branch, shape, and form : If such a one will smile, and stroke his beard: Cry -sorrow, wag! and hem, when he should
Patch grief with proverbs; make misfortune drunk
But there is no such man: For, brother, men
Dogb. Come, let them be opinioned.
Verg. Let them be in band.
Con. Off, coxcomb!
Dogb. God's my life! where's the sexton? let him write down the prince's officer, coxcomb. Come, bind them: - Thou naughty varlet! Con. Away! you are an ass, you are an ass. Dogb. Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my years? - O that he were here to write me down - an ass! but, masters, remember, that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass: - No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow; and, which is more, an officer; and, which is more, a housholder; and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina; and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses; and one that hath two gowns, and every thing handsome about him: - Bring him away. O, that I had been writ down - an ass! [Exeunt.
The like himself: therefore give me no counsel : My griefs cry louder than advertisement.
Ant. Therein do men from children nothing differ.
Leon. I pray thee, peace; I will be flesh and blood;
For there was never yet philosopher,
Ant. Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself; Make those, that do offend you, suffer too.
Leon. There thou speak'st reason: nay, I will do
My soul doth tell me, Hero is belied;
Enter Don PEDRO and CLAUDIO.
Ant. Here comes the prince, and Claudio, hastily.
Good day to both of you.
Leon. Hear you, my lords,
Are you so hasty now? - well, all is one.
D. Pedro. Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old
Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword,
Marry, beshrew my hand,
D. Pedro. See, see; here comes the man we went to seek.
Claud. Now, signior! what news?
Bene. Good day, my lord.
D. Pedro. Welcome, signior: You are almost come to part almost a fray.
Claud. We had like to have had our two noses snapped off with two old men without teeth.
D. Pedro. Leonato and his brother: What think'st thou? Had we fought, I doubt, we should have been too young for them.
Bene. In a false quarrel there is no true valour : I came to seek you both.
Claud. We have been up and down to seek thee;
Thy slander hath gone through and through her for we are high proof melancholy, and would fain
I speak not like a dotard, nor a fool;
And, with grey hairs, and bruise of many days,
Do challenge thee to trial of a man.
I say, thou hast belied mine innocent child;
And she lyes buried with her ancestors:
Claud. Away, I will not have to do with you.
If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.
Ant. He shall kill two of us, and men indeed;
dnt. Content yourself: God knows, I lov'd my
And she is dead, slander'd to death by villains;
And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple:
And this is all.
Leon. But, brother Antony, Come, 'tis no matter; Do not you meddle, let me deal in this. D. Pedro. Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience. My heart is sorry for your daughter's death; But, on my honour, she was charg'd with nothing But what was true, and very full of proof. Leon. My lord, my lord,
I will not hear you.
Brother, away: -
Ant. Or some of us will smart for it. [Exeunt LEONATO and ANTONIO.
have it beaten away: Wilt thou use thy wit?
Bene. It is in my scabbard; Shall I draw it? D. Pedro. Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side? Claud. Never any did so, though very many have been beside their wit. — I will bid thee draw, as we do the minstrels; draw, to pleasure us.
D. Pedro. As I am an honest man, he looks pale: Art thou sick, or angry?
Claud. What! courage, man! What though care killed a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill
Claud. I'faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf's head and a capon, the which if I do not carve most curiously say, my knife's naught. Shall I not find a woodcock too?
Bene. Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily. D. Pedro. I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the other day: I said, thou hadst a fine wit; True, says she, a fine little one: No, said I, a great wit; Right, says she, a great gross one: Nay, said I, a good wit; Just, said she, it hurts no body: Nay, said I, the gentleman is wise; Certain, said she, a wise gentleman: Nay, said I, he hath the tongues; That I believe, said she, for he swore a thing to me on Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday morning; there's a double tongue; there's two tongues. Thus did she, an hour together, transshape thy particular virtues; yet, at last, she concluded with a sigh, thou wast the properest man in Italy.
Claud. For the which she wept heartily, and said, she cared not.
D. Pedro. Yea, that she did; but yet, for all that, an if she did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly: the old man's daughter told us all.
Claud. All, all; and moreover, God saw him when he was hid in the garden.
D. Pedro. But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on the sensible Benedick's head?
Claud. Yea, and text underneath, Here dwells Benedick the married man?
Bene. Fare you well, boy! you know my mind; I will leave you now to your gossip-like humour: you break jests as braggarts do their blades, which, God be thanked, hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I thank you: I must discontinue your company: your brother, the bastard, is fled from Messina: you have, among you, killed a sweet and innocent lady: For my lord Lack-beard, there, he and I shall meet; and till then, peace be with him. [Exit BENEDICK.
D. Pedro. He is in earnest. Claud. In most profound earnest; and I'll warrant you, for the love of Beatrice.
D. Pedro. And hath challenged thee?
D. Pedro. What a pretty thing man is, when he goes in his doublet and hose, and leaves off his wit! Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO.
Claud. He is then a giant to an ape: but then is an ape a doctor to such a man.
D. Pedro. But, soft you, let be; pluck up, my heart, and be sad! Did he not say, my brother was fled?
Dogb. Come, you, sir; if justice cannot tame you, she shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance: nay, an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to,
D. Pedro. How now, two of my brother's men bound! Borachio, one!
Claud. Hearken after their offence, my lord! D. Pedro. Officers, what offence have these men done?
Dogb. Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust things: and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.
D. Pedro. First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I ask thee what's their offence; sixth and lastly, why they are committed; and, to conclude, what you lay to their charge?
Claud. Rightly reasoned, and in his own division; and, by my troth, there's one meaning well suited.
D. Pedro. Whom have you offended, masters, that you are thus bound to your answer? this learned constable is too cunning to be understood: What's your offence?
Bora. Sweet prince, let me go no further to mine answer; do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to light; who, in the night, overheard me confessing to this man, how Don John your brother incensed me to slander the lady Hero; how you were brought into the orchard, and saw me court Margaret in Hero's garments; how you disgraced her, when you should marry her: my villainy they have upon record; which I had rather seal with my death, than repeat over to my shame : the lady is dead upon mine and my master's false accusation; and, briefly, I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.
D. Pedro. Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?
Claud. I have drunk poison, whiles he uttered it, D. Pedro. But did my brother set thee on to this? Bora. Yea, and paid me richly for the practice of it. D. Pedro. He is compos'd and fram'd of treachery:
And fled he is upon this villainy.
Claud. Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear In the rare semblance that I loved it first.
Dogb. Come, bring away the plaintiffs; by this time our Sexton hath reformed signior Leonato of the matter: And masters, do not forget to specify, when time and place shall serve, that I am an ass.
Verg. Here, here comes master signior Lconato, and the Sexton too.
Re-enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, with the Sexton.
Leon. Art thou the slave, that with thy breath hast kill'd
Mine innocent child?
Yea, even alone.
Bora. Leon. No, not so, villain; thou bely'st thyself; Here stand a pair of honourable men, A third is fled, that had a hand in it: I thank you, princes, for my daughter's death; Record it with your high and worthy deeds; 'Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.
Claud. I know not how to pray your patience, Yet I must speak: Choose your revenge yourself; Impose me to what penance your invention Can lay upon my sin: yet sinn'd I not, But in mistaking.
Leon. I cannot bid you bid my daughter live,
Give her the right you should have given her cousin, And so dies my revenge.
O, noble sir,
Leon. To-morrow then I will expect your com-
Bora. No, by my soul, she was not; Nor knew not what she did, when she spoke to me; But always hath been just and virtuous, In any thing that I do know by her.
Dogb. Moreover, sir, (which, indeed, is not under white and black,) this plaintiff here, the offender, did call me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in his punishment: And also, the watch heard them talk of one Deformed: they say, he wears a key in his ear, and a lock hanging by it; and borrows money in God's name; the which he hath used so long, and never paid, that now men grow hard-hearted, and will lend nothing for God's sake: Pray you, examine him upon that point.
Leon. I thank thee for thy care and honest pains. Dogb. Your worship speaks like a most thankful and reverend youth; and I praise God for you. Leon. There's for thy pains. Dogb. God save the foundation!
Leon. Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.
Dogb. I leave an arrant knave with your worship; which, I beseech your worship, to correct yourself, for the example of others. God keep your worship; I wish your worship well; God restore you to health: I humbly give you leave to depart; and if a merry meeting may be wished, God prohibit -Come, neighbour.
[Exeunt DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Watch. Leon. Until to-morrow morning, lords, farewell. Ant. Farewell, my lords; we look for you to
D. Pedro. We will not fail.
To-night I'll mourn with Hero. [Exeunt Don PEDRO and CLAUDIO. Leon. Bring you these fellows on; we'll talk with Margaret, How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow. [Exeunt.
SCENE II. - Leonato's Garden.
Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting. Bene. Pray thee, sweet mistress Margaret, deserve well at my hands, by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.
Marg. Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?
Bene. In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living shall come over it; for, in most comely truth, thou deservest it.
Marg. To have no man come over me? why, shall I always keep below stairs?
Bene. Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound's mouth, it catches.
Marg. And your's as blunt as the fencer's foils, which hit, but hurt not.
Bene. A most manly wit, Margaret, it will not hurt a woman; and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice : I give thee the bucklers.
Marg. Give us the swords, we have bucklers of
Bene. If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the pikes with a vice; and they are dangerous weapons for maids.
Marg. Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who, I think, hath legs. [Exit MARGARET.
Bene. And therefore will come.
The god of love, That sits above,
good swimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, and a whole book full of these quondam carpet-mongers, whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a blank verse, why, they were never so truly turned over and over as my poor self, in love: Marry, I cannot show it in rhyme; I have tried; I can find out no rhyme to lady but baby, an innocent rhyme; for scorn, horn, a hard rhyme; for school, fool, a babbling rhyme; very ominous endings: No, I was not born under a rhyming planet, nor I cannot woo in festival terms.
Bene. An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in the time of good neighbours: if a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in monument, than the bell rings, and the widow weeps.
Beat. And how long is that, think you? Bene. Question? Why, an hour in clamour, and a quarter in rheum: Therefore it is most expedient for the wise, (if Don Worm, his conscience, find no impediment to the contrary,) to be the trumpet of his own virtues, as I am to myself: So much for praising myself, (who, I myself will bear witness, is praise-worthy,) and now tell me, How doth your cousin?
Beat. Very ill.
Bene. And how do you ?
Beat. Very ill too.
Bene. Serve God, love me, and mend. there will I leave you too, for here comes one in haste.
Urs. Madam, you must come to your uncle;
Claud. Now unto thy bones good night!
Yearly will I do this rite.
D. Pedro. Good morrow, masters; put your torches out:
The wolves have prey'd: and look, the gentle day, Before the wheels of Phoebus, round about Dapples the drowsy east with spots of gray: Thanks to you all, and leave us; fare you well. Claud. Good morrow, masters; each his several way.
D. Pedro. Come, let us hence, and put on other weeds; And then to Leonato's we will go.
Claud. And, Hymen, now with luckier issue speeds,
Than this, for whom we render'd up this woe!
Friar. Did I not tell you she was innocent?
Ant. Well, I am glad that all things sort so well.
Bene. And so am I, being else by faith enforc'd To call young Claudio to a reckoning for it.
Leon. Well, daughter, and you gentlewomen all, Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves; And, when I send for you, come hither mask'd: The prince and Claudio promis'd by this hour To visit me : - You know your office, brother; You must be father to your brother's daughter, And give her to young Claudio. [Exeunt Ladies. Ant. Which I will do with confirm'd counte
Enter Don PEDRO and CLAUDIO, with Attendants.
Claud. I think, he thinks upon the savage bull: —
When he would play the noble beast in love.
Bene. Bull Jove, sir, had an amiable low; And some such strange bull leap'd your father's cow, And got a calf in that same noble feat, Much like to you, for you have just his bleat.
Re-enter ANTONIO, with the Ladies masked.
Claud. For this I owe you: here come other reckonings. Which is the lady I must seize upon ?
Ant. This same is she, and I do give you her. Claud. Why, then she's mine: Sweet, let me sce your face.
Leon. No, that you shall not, till you take her hand Before this friar, and swear to marry her.
Claud. Give me your hand before this holy friar; I am your husband, if you like of me.
Hero. And when I lived, I was your other wife: [Unmasking.
And when you lov'd, you were my other husband.