Misery and Company: Sympathy in Everyday LifeIn a kind of social tour of sympathy, Candace Clark reveals that the emotional experience we call sympathy has a history, logic, and life of its own. Although sympathy may seem to be a natural, reflexive reaction, people are not born knowing when, for whom, and in what circumstances sympathy is appropriate. Rather, they learn elaborate, highly specific rules—different rules for men than for women—that guide when to feel or display sympathy, when to claim it, and how to accept it. Using extensive interviews, cultural artifacts, and "intensive eavesdropping" in public places, such as hospitals and funeral parlors, as well as analyzing charity appeals, blues lyrics, greeting cards, novels, and media reports, Clark shows that we learn culturally prescribed rules that govern our expression of sympathy. "Clark's . . . research methods [are] inventive and her glimpses of U.S. life revealing. . . . And you have to love a social scientist so respectful of Miss Manners."—Clifford Orwin, Toronto Globe and Mail "Clark offers a thought-provoking and quite interesting etiquette of sympathy according to which we ought to act in order to preserve the sympathy credits we can call on in time of need."—Virginia Quarterly Review |
From inside the book
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Page ix
... attention to the conversations and actions of the little clusters of people sharing this space with me . I saw more than a collection of apprehensive , tired people . In a matter of hours , a small society had developed among the ...
... attention to the conversations and actions of the little clusters of people sharing this space with me . I saw more than a collection of apprehensive , tired people . In a matter of hours , a small society had developed among the ...
Page x
... attention on its rules , interconnecting roles , or its conse- quences . Empirical research was definitely needed . I began with participant observation but soon saw the need for other and wider approaches . One study led to another and ...
... attention on its rules , interconnecting roles , or its conse- quences . Empirical research was definitely needed . I began with participant observation but soon saw the need for other and wider approaches . One study led to another and ...
Page xi
... attention to the pertinence for studying sympathy of their earlier work on the New York Times's Neediest Cases Appeal , and they generally applauded my efforts . Sally Bould's comments on family bonds of obligation and affection helped ...
... attention to the pertinence for studying sympathy of their earlier work on the New York Times's Neediest Cases Appeal , and they generally applauded my efforts . Sally Bould's comments on family bonds of obligation and affection helped ...
Page 6
... attention to individuals ' problems and their painful emotions — sadness , hurt , frustration , grief , indignation , fear , deg- radation , anguish , and despair . The religions and philosophies of Western culture have fostered a ...
... attention to individuals ' problems and their painful emotions — sadness , hurt , frustration , grief , indignation , fear , deg- radation , anguish , and despair . The religions and philosophies of Western culture have fostered a ...
Page 12
... attention . Even adult strangers may warrant Americans ' sympathy . I asked my respondents if they remembered any recent cases when they felt sympathy . A young Hispanic man , a systems analyst , replied , " I hear about someone who's ...
... attention . Even adult strangers may warrant Americans ' sympathy . I asked my respondents if they remembered any recent cases when they felt sympathy . A young Hispanic man , a systems analyst , replied , " I hear about someone who's ...
Contents
2 | |
Forms and Process | 26 |
Sympathy Entrepreneurs and the Grounds for Sympathy | 80 |
4 The Socioemotional Economy Social Value and Sympathy Margin | 128 |
5 Sympathy Biography and the Rules of Sympathy Etiquette | 158 |
The Sympathetic Response | 194 |
7 Sympathy Microhierarchy and Micropolitics | 226 |
8 Epilogue | 252 |
Research Strategies | 261 |
References | 281 |
Name Index | 299 |
Subject Index | 304 |
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Common terms and phrases
accounts actions actor American Appeal asked attention believe cards chapter characters claim consider create cultural described display economy emotions empathy example exchange expect experience explained feel sorry felt Field notes follow friends gifts give giving sympathy grounds husband important individual instance interaction Interview involved judge kind label less lives logic look luck married mean moral mother never notes obligation offer parents percent person plights poor presented Press principle problems reactions receive reciprocity relationship respondents role rules sense sentiment situation social society socioemotional Sociology someone sometimes story sympa sympathetic sympathizee sympathy margins talk things thought tion trouble understand usually victims vignette woman women worker worth York young