Misery and Company: Sympathy in Everyday LifeIn a kind of social tour of sympathy, Candace Clark reveals that the emotional experience we call sympathy has a history, logic, and life of its own. Although sympathy may seem to be a natural, reflexive reaction, people are not born knowing when, for whom, and in what circumstances sympathy is appropriate. Rather, they learn elaborate, highly specific rules—different rules for men than for women—that guide when to feel or display sympathy, when to claim it, and how to accept it. Using extensive interviews, cultural artifacts, and "intensive eavesdropping" in public places, such as hospitals and funeral parlors, as well as analyzing charity appeals, blues lyrics, greeting cards, novels, and media reports, Clark shows that we learn culturally prescribed rules that govern our expression of sympathy. "Clark's . . . research methods [are] inventive and her glimpses of U.S. life revealing. . . . And you have to love a social scientist so respectful of Miss Manners."—Clifford Orwin, Toronto Globe and Mail "Clark offers a thought-provoking and quite interesting etiquette of sympathy according to which we ought to act in order to preserve the sympathy credits we can call on in time of need."—Virginia Quarterly Review |
From inside the book
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Page 7
... card , and a neighbor comforts a recent widow . From the pulpit , a minister urges compassion and sympathy , even for those who " trespass against us . " Movie and book advertisements prom- ise " You'll laugh ! You'll cry ! These ...
... card , and a neighbor comforts a recent widow . From the pulpit , a minister urges compassion and sympathy , even for those who " trespass against us . " Movie and book advertisements prom- ise " You'll laugh ! You'll cry ! These ...
Page 8
... cards , and news articles ; ( 3 ) in- depth interviews with 65 respondents ; and ( 4 ) " freewritings " of more than SO subjects I trained to write about emotions by adapting a technique English professors developed to encourage ...
... cards , and news articles ; ( 3 ) in- depth interviews with 65 respondents ; and ( 4 ) " freewritings " of more than SO subjects I trained to write about emotions by adapting a technique English professors developed to encourage ...
Page 12
... cards and flowers . School children composed farewell letters to Lisa . Calls reporting other suspicious cases to child - abuse authorities increased dramatically . ( Extracted from the New York Times , 14 and IS November 1987 ) ...
... cards and flowers . School children composed farewell letters to Lisa . Calls reporting other suspicious cases to child - abuse authorities increased dramatically . ( Extracted from the New York Times , 14 and IS November 1987 ) ...
Page 13
... card to a co - worker for appearance ' sake . At other times , people engage in " deep acting , " synchronizing their feelings with the social norms . We remind ourselves of our emotional duties and work on our feelings when they do not ...
... card to a co - worker for appearance ' sake . At other times , people engage in " deep acting , " synchronizing their feelings with the social norms . We remind ourselves of our emotional duties and work on our feelings when they do not ...
Page 19
... card , a hug , or a kind word is , though unquestionably powerful , more difficult to pinpoint . In fact , it is often sympathy that people want rather than concrete assistance or advice about how to solve their problems . For example ...
... card , a hug , or a kind word is , though unquestionably powerful , more difficult to pinpoint . In fact , it is often sympathy that people want rather than concrete assistance or advice about how to solve their problems . For example ...
Contents
2 | |
Forms and Process | 26 |
Sympathy Entrepreneurs and the Grounds for Sympathy | 80 |
4 The Socioemotional Economy Social Value and Sympathy Margin | 128 |
5 Sympathy Biography and the Rules of Sympathy Etiquette | 158 |
The Sympathetic Response | 194 |
7 Sympathy Microhierarchy and Micropolitics | 226 |
8 Epilogue | 252 |
Research Strategies | 261 |
References | 281 |
Name Index | 299 |
Subject Index | 304 |
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Common terms and phrases
accounts actions actor American Appeal asked attention believe cards chapter characters claim consider create cultural described display economy emotions empathy example exchange expect experience explained feel sorry felt Field notes follow friends gifts give giving sympathy grounds husband important individual instance interaction Interview involved judge kind label less lives logic look luck married mean moral mother never notes obligation offer parents percent person plights poor presented Press principle problems reactions receive reciprocity relationship respondents role rules sense sentiment situation social society socioemotional Sociology someone sometimes story sympa sympathetic sympathizee sympathy margins talk things thought tion trouble understand usually victims vignette woman women worker worth York young