Misery and Company: Sympathy in Everyday LifeIn a kind of social tour of sympathy, Candace Clark reveals that the emotional experience we call sympathy has a history, logic, and life of its own. Although sympathy may seem to be a natural, reflexive reaction, people are not born knowing when, for whom, and in what circumstances sympathy is appropriate. Rather, they learn elaborate, highly specific rules—different rules for men than for women—that guide when to feel or display sympathy, when to claim it, and how to accept it. Using extensive interviews, cultural artifacts, and "intensive eavesdropping" in public places, such as hospitals and funeral parlors, as well as analyzing charity appeals, blues lyrics, greeting cards, novels, and media reports, Clark shows that we learn culturally prescribed rules that govern our expression of sympathy. "Clark's . . . research methods [are] inventive and her glimpses of U.S. life revealing. . . . And you have to love a social scientist so respectful of Miss Manners."—Clifford Orwin, Toronto Globe and Mail "Clark offers a thought-provoking and quite interesting etiquette of sympathy according to which we ought to act in order to preserve the sympathy credits we can call on in time of need."—Virginia Quarterly Review |
From inside the book
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Page 4
... Westerners are wont to see as most " natural " and " human . " It was not just that an Ik would think , " I feel sympathy , but I shouldn't , so I'll sup- press it . " The emotional habit extinguished , the CHAPTER ONE.
... Westerners are wont to see as most " natural " and " human . " It was not just that an Ik would think , " I feel sympathy , but I shouldn't , so I'll sup- press it . " The emotional habit extinguished , the CHAPTER ONE.
Page 10
... I do not specify that my respondents from Jewish , Italian , Irish , German , Polish , Eastern European , and English backgrounds are white , although all are . forty - year - old Italian American interior designer , 10 CHAPTER ONE.
... I do not specify that my respondents from Jewish , Italian , Irish , German , Polish , Eastern European , and English backgrounds are white , although all are . forty - year - old Italian American interior designer , 10 CHAPTER ONE.
Page 11
... chapter , Americans do assume that parents ( especially mothers ) will sympathize with their children's scraped knees and bruised feelings . Americans assume that spouses will commiserate with each other and that siblings , no matter ...
... chapter , Americans do assume that parents ( especially mothers ) will sympathize with their children's scraped knees and bruised feelings . Americans assume that spouses will commiserate with each other and that siblings , no matter ...
Page 12
... - thetic . They provide implicit evidence that sympathy , like love ( Berger 1963 , 35—36 ) , is a socially guided phenomenon . According to our feeling rules , victims of illness , natural disasters , and 12 CHAPTER ONE.
... - thetic . They provide implicit evidence that sympathy , like love ( Berger 1963 , 35—36 ) , is a socially guided phenomenon . According to our feeling rules , victims of illness , natural disasters , and 12 CHAPTER ONE.
Page 14
... over him to get aboard [ the train ] . All but one well - dressed woman . She paused to cover his buttocks with a shopping bag . " The reporter suggested that these New Yorkers were " inured to almost anything 14 CHAPTER ONE.
... over him to get aboard [ the train ] . All but one well - dressed woman . She paused to cover his buttocks with a shopping bag . " The reporter suggested that these New Yorkers were " inured to almost anything 14 CHAPTER ONE.
Contents
2 | |
Forms and Process | 26 |
Sympathy Entrepreneurs and the Grounds for Sympathy | 80 |
4 The Socioemotional Economy Social Value and Sympathy Margin | 128 |
5 Sympathy Biography and the Rules of Sympathy Etiquette | 158 |
The Sympathetic Response | 194 |
7 Sympathy Microhierarchy and Micropolitics | 226 |
8 Epilogue | 252 |
Research Strategies | 261 |
References | 281 |
Name Index | 299 |
Subject Index | 304 |
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Common terms and phrases
accounts actions actor American Appeal asked attention believe cards chapter characters claim consider create cultural described display economy emotions empathy example exchange expect experience explained feel sorry felt Field notes follow friends gifts give giving sympathy grounds husband important individual instance interaction Interview involved judge kind label less lives logic look luck married mean moral mother never notes obligation offer parents percent person plights poor presented Press principle problems reactions receive reciprocity relationship respondents role rules sense sentiment situation social society socioemotional Sociology someone sometimes story sympa sympathetic sympathizee sympathy margins talk things thought tion trouble understand usually victims vignette woman women worker worth York young