Misery and Company: Sympathy in Everyday LifeIn a kind of social tour of sympathy, Candace Clark reveals that the emotional experience we call sympathy has a history, logic, and life of its own. Although sympathy may seem to be a natural, reflexive reaction, people are not born knowing when, for whom, and in what circumstances sympathy is appropriate. Rather, they learn elaborate, highly specific rules—different rules for men than for women—that guide when to feel or display sympathy, when to claim it, and how to accept it. Using extensive interviews, cultural artifacts, and "intensive eavesdropping" in public places, such as hospitals and funeral parlors, as well as analyzing charity appeals, blues lyrics, greeting cards, novels, and media reports, Clark shows that we learn culturally prescribed rules that govern our expression of sympathy. "Clark's . . . research methods [are] inventive and her glimpses of U.S. life revealing. . . . And you have to love a social scientist so respectful of Miss Manners."—Clifford Orwin, Toronto Globe and Mail "Clark offers a thought-provoking and quite interesting etiquette of sympathy according to which we ought to act in order to preserve the sympathy credits we can call on in time of need."—Virginia Quarterly Review |
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Page 9
... felt sympathy for their nearest and dearest : When I was divorced , my stepson was left in a situation that I knew would eventually cause a problem for the child , and I had no control over it . He wasn't completely mine , so I had no ...
... felt sympathy for their nearest and dearest : When I was divorced , my stepson was left in a situation that I knew would eventually cause a problem for the child , and I had no control over it . He wasn't completely mine , so I had no ...
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... felt horrible , twisted , helpless , despair . . . . If she wanted to talk , I was there to listen . Or to talk , if she wanted it . Or if she just wanted to be alone , I respected her privacy . ( Interview ; forty - four - year - old ...
... felt horrible , twisted , helpless , despair . . . . If she wanted to talk , I was there to listen . Or to talk , if she wanted it . Or if she just wanted to be alone , I respected her privacy . ( Interview ; forty - four - year - old ...
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... felt sympathy . A young Hispanic man , a systems analyst , replied , " I hear about someone who's strung out on drugs , I feel sorry for them . I hear about the poor , I feel sorry for them . People who have AIDS . Every day I feel ...
... felt sympathy . A young Hispanic man , a systems analyst , replied , " I hear about someone who's strung out on drugs , I feel sorry for them . I hear about the poor , I feel sorry for them . People who have AIDS . Every day I feel ...
Page 18
... felt sorry for him . " Now the three often attend church and socialize together . ( Extracted from the New York Times , 22 August 198S ) Tony is a guy who's been with the group for long time — he was one of the founders and someone ...
... felt sorry for him . " Now the three often attend church and socialize together . ( Extracted from the New York Times , 22 August 198S ) Tony is a guy who's been with the group for long time — he was one of the founders and someone ...
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Contents
2 | |
Forms and Process | 26 |
Sympathy Entrepreneurs and the Grounds for Sympathy | 80 |
4 The Socioemotional Economy Social Value and Sympathy Margin | 128 |
5 Sympathy Biography and the Rules of Sympathy Etiquette | 158 |
The Sympathetic Response | 194 |
7 Sympathy Microhierarchy and Micropolitics | 226 |
8 Epilogue | 252 |
Research Strategies | 261 |
References | 281 |
Name Index | 299 |
Subject Index | 304 |
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Common terms and phrases
accounts actions actor American Appeal asked attention believe cards chapter characters claim consider create cultural described display economy emotions empathy example exchange expect experience explained feel sorry felt Field notes follow friends gifts give giving sympathy grounds husband important individual instance interaction Interview involved judge kind label less lives logic look luck married mean moral mother never notes obligation offer parents percent person plights poor presented Press principle problems reactions receive reciprocity relationship respondents role rules sense sentiment situation social society socioemotional Sociology someone sometimes story sympa sympathetic sympathizee sympathy margins talk things thought tion trouble understand usually victims vignette woman women worker worth York young