Misery and Company: Sympathy in Everyday LifeIn a kind of social tour of sympathy, Candace Clark reveals that the emotional experience we call sympathy has a history, logic, and life of its own. Although sympathy may seem to be a natural, reflexive reaction, people are not born knowing when, for whom, and in what circumstances sympathy is appropriate. Rather, they learn elaborate, highly specific rules—different rules for men than for women—that guide when to feel or display sympathy, when to claim it, and how to accept it. Using extensive interviews, cultural artifacts, and "intensive eavesdropping" in public places, such as hospitals and funeral parlors, as well as analyzing charity appeals, blues lyrics, greeting cards, novels, and media reports, Clark shows that we learn culturally prescribed rules that govern our expression of sympathy. "Clark's . . . research methods [are] inventive and her glimpses of U.S. life revealing. . . . And you have to love a social scientist so respectful of Miss Manners."—Clifford Orwin, Toronto Globe and Mail "Clark offers a thought-provoking and quite interesting etiquette of sympathy according to which we ought to act in order to preserve the sympathy credits we can call on in time of need."—Virginia Quarterly Review |
From inside the book
Results 1-5 of 62
Page ix
... friends and family members had arrived from around the United States and Canada . Like all the other patients ... friend in the unit . As I bided my time with the rest , I began to pay attention to the conversations and actions of the ...
... friends and family members had arrived from around the United States and Canada . Like all the other patients ... friend in the unit . As I bided my time with the rest , I began to pay attention to the conversations and actions of the ...
Page xi
... friends , and family who have suffered through it . Of course , Bernard Goldstein suffered most severely , in ... friendship , a keen editorial pen , and the title . William Wentworth came up with brilliant insights into the links ...
... friends , and family who have suffered through it . Of course , Bernard Goldstein suffered most severely , in ... friendship , a keen editorial pen , and the title . William Wentworth came up with brilliant insights into the links ...
Page 3
... Friends yawn with boredom when they hear of each other's misfortunes and upsets . No one says " I'm so sorry " or ... friendship and car- ing for one another faded . They developed an approach to life that pro- moted self - concern and ...
... Friends yawn with boredom when they hear of each other's misfortunes and upsets . No one says " I'm so sorry " or ... friendship and car- ing for one another faded . They developed an approach to life that pro- moted self - concern and ...
Page 7
... friend sends a get - well card , and a neighbor comforts a recent widow . From the pulpit , a minister urges compassion and sympathy , even for those who " trespass against us . " Movie and book advertisements prom- ise " You'll laugh ...
... friend sends a get - well card , and a neighbor comforts a recent widow . From the pulpit , a minister urges compassion and sympathy , even for those who " trespass against us . " Movie and book advertisements prom- ise " You'll laugh ...
Page 11
... friends expect sympathy from each other when they are " in need . " A young Hispanic woman whom I interviewed provided illustration , " I may even get bored sometimes listening to someone's problems , but I have to do it . A friend has ...
... friends expect sympathy from each other when they are " in need . " A young Hispanic woman whom I interviewed provided illustration , " I may even get bored sometimes listening to someone's problems , but I have to do it . A friend has ...
Contents
2 | |
Forms and Process | 26 |
Sympathy Entrepreneurs and the Grounds for Sympathy | 80 |
4 The Socioemotional Economy Social Value and Sympathy Margin | 128 |
5 Sympathy Biography and the Rules of Sympathy Etiquette | 158 |
The Sympathetic Response | 194 |
7 Sympathy Microhierarchy and Micropolitics | 226 |
8 Epilogue | 252 |
Research Strategies | 261 |
References | 281 |
Name Index | 299 |
Subject Index | 304 |
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Common terms and phrases
accounts actions actor American Appeal asked attention believe cards chapter characters claim consider create cultural described display economy emotions empathy example exchange expect experience explained feel sorry felt Field notes follow friends gifts give giving sympathy grounds husband important individual instance interaction Interview involved judge kind label less lives logic look luck married mean moral mother never notes obligation offer parents percent person plights poor presented Press principle problems reactions receive reciprocity relationship respondents role rules sense sentiment situation social society socioemotional Sociology someone sometimes story sympa sympathetic sympathizee sympathy margins talk things thought tion trouble understand usually victims vignette woman women worker worth York young