Misery and Company: Sympathy in Everyday LifeIn a kind of social tour of sympathy, Candace Clark reveals that the emotional experience we call sympathy has a history, logic, and life of its own. Although sympathy may seem to be a natural, reflexive reaction, people are not born knowing when, for whom, and in what circumstances sympathy is appropriate. Rather, they learn elaborate, highly specific rules—different rules for men than for women—that guide when to feel or display sympathy, when to claim it, and how to accept it. Using extensive interviews, cultural artifacts, and "intensive eavesdropping" in public places, such as hospitals and funeral parlors, as well as analyzing charity appeals, blues lyrics, greeting cards, novels, and media reports, Clark shows that we learn culturally prescribed rules that govern our expression of sympathy. "Clark's . . . research methods [are] inventive and her glimpses of U.S. life revealing. . . . And you have to love a social scientist so respectful of Miss Manners."—Clifford Orwin, Toronto Globe and Mail "Clark offers a thought-provoking and quite interesting etiquette of sympathy according to which we ought to act in order to preserve the sympathy credits we can call on in time of need."—Virginia Quarterly Review |
From inside the book
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Page 4
... instance , around the evening fire , [ M ] en would watch a child with eager anticipation as it crawled toward the fire , then burst into gay and happy laughter as it plunged a skinny hand into the coals . Such times were the few times ...
... instance , around the evening fire , [ M ] en would watch a child with eager anticipation as it crawled toward the fire , then burst into gay and happy laughter as it plunged a skinny hand into the coals . Such times were the few times ...
Page 12
... instance , stands out in stark distinction to reactions to Adupa's death among the Ik . Sympathy for Lisa Steinberg and for her unharmed but neglected younger brother flowed not only from relatives and neighbors but also from thousands ...
... instance , stands out in stark distinction to reactions to Adupa's death among the Ik . Sympathy for Lisa Steinberg and for her unharmed but neglected younger brother flowed not only from relatives and neighbors but also from thousands ...
Page 13
... instance , we tell ourselves that we must not let sympathy for a defendant interfere with our responsibility as jurors to assign blame , even while the defense attorney is tugging on our emotions . Or , we try to feel sorry — or at ...
... instance , we tell ourselves that we must not let sympathy for a defendant interfere with our responsibility as jurors to assign blame , even while the defense attorney is tugging on our emotions . Or , we try to feel sorry — or at ...
Page 14
... instance , red - blooded American teenagers who laugh and cheer at another school's defeat on the football field . It seems that people often enhance their own sense of well - being by mocking others ' misery . Turning an old locution ...
... instance , red - blooded American teenagers who laugh and cheer at another school's defeat on the football field . It seems that people often enhance their own sense of well - being by mocking others ' misery . Turning an old locution ...
Page 15
... " charging that they in fact are contributing to that problem by being sympathetic . The Partnership for a Drug - Free America , for instance , ex- • horted bosses in a 1992 New York Times ad THE SOCIAL CHARACTER OF SYMPATHY 15.
... " charging that they in fact are contributing to that problem by being sympathetic . The Partnership for a Drug - Free America , for instance , ex- • horted bosses in a 1992 New York Times ad THE SOCIAL CHARACTER OF SYMPATHY 15.
Contents
2 | |
Forms and Process | 26 |
Sympathy Entrepreneurs and the Grounds for Sympathy | 80 |
4 The Socioemotional Economy Social Value and Sympathy Margin | 128 |
5 Sympathy Biography and the Rules of Sympathy Etiquette | 158 |
The Sympathetic Response | 194 |
7 Sympathy Microhierarchy and Micropolitics | 226 |
8 Epilogue | 252 |
Research Strategies | 261 |
References | 281 |
Name Index | 299 |
Subject Index | 304 |
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Common terms and phrases
accounts actions actor American Appeal asked attention believe cards chapter characters claim consider create cultural described display economy emotions empathy example exchange expect experience explained feel sorry felt Field notes follow friends gifts give giving sympathy grounds husband important individual instance interaction Interview involved judge kind label less lives logic look luck married mean moral mother never notes obligation offer parents percent person plights poor presented Press principle problems reactions receive reciprocity relationship respondents role rules sense sentiment situation social society socioemotional Sociology someone sometimes story sympa sympathetic sympathizee sympathy margins talk things thought tion trouble understand usually victims vignette woman women worker worth York young