Misery and Company: Sympathy in Everyday LifeIn a kind of social tour of sympathy, Candace Clark reveals that the emotional experience we call sympathy has a history, logic, and life of its own. Although sympathy may seem to be a natural, reflexive reaction, people are not born knowing when, for whom, and in what circumstances sympathy is appropriate. Rather, they learn elaborate, highly specific rules—different rules for men than for women—that guide when to feel or display sympathy, when to claim it, and how to accept it. Using extensive interviews, cultural artifacts, and "intensive eavesdropping" in public places, such as hospitals and funeral parlors, as well as analyzing charity appeals, blues lyrics, greeting cards, novels, and media reports, Clark shows that we learn culturally prescribed rules that govern our expression of sympathy. "Clark's . . . research methods [are] inventive and her glimpses of U.S. life revealing. . . . And you have to love a social scientist so respectful of Miss Manners."—Clifford Orwin, Toronto Globe and Mail "Clark offers a thought-provoking and quite interesting etiquette of sympathy according to which we ought to act in order to preserve the sympathy credits we can call on in time of need."—Virginia Quarterly Review |
From inside the book
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Page xii
... significant have died : my mother , my father , Lynn At- water , Larry DeBord , and , most recently , Bernard Goldstein . I will always miss them . Misery and Company 1 The Social Character of Sympathy No xii PREFACE.
... significant have died : my mother , my father , Lynn At- water , Larry DeBord , and , most recently , Bernard Goldstein . I will always miss them . Misery and Company 1 The Social Character of Sympathy No xii PREFACE.
Page 3
... mothers look impassively at their children's scraped knees and bruised feelings . Friends yawn with boredom when they hear of each other's misfortunes and upsets . No one says " I'm so sorry " or " That's too bad . " Community members ...
... mothers look impassively at their children's scraped knees and bruised feelings . Friends yawn with boredom when they hear of each other's misfortunes and upsets . No one says " I'm so sorry " or " That's too bad . " Community members ...
Page 4
... mother would glow with pleasure to hear such joy occasioned by her offspring , and pull it tenderly out of the fire . ( 112 ) Turnbull begged his readers not to consider the Ik primitive , savage , and inhuman . He regarded the Ik's ...
... mother would glow with pleasure to hear such joy occasioned by her offspring , and pull it tenderly out of the fire . ( 112 ) Turnbull begged his readers not to consider the Ik primitive , savage , and inhuman . He regarded the Ik's ...
Page 11
... mothers ) will sympathize with their children's scraped knees and bruised feelings . Americans assume that spouses will commiserate with each other and that siblings , no matter how rivalrous , will " automatically " sympathize with one ...
... mothers ) will sympathize with their children's scraped knees and bruised feelings . Americans assume that spouses will commiserate with each other and that siblings , no matter how rivalrous , will " automatically " sympathize with one ...
Page 18
... mother reportedly said , " He looked just like a little whipped puppy . I actually felt sorry for him . " Now the three often attend church and socialize together . ( Extracted from the New York Times , 22 August 198S ) Tony is a guy ...
... mother reportedly said , " He looked just like a little whipped puppy . I actually felt sorry for him . " Now the three often attend church and socialize together . ( Extracted from the New York Times , 22 August 198S ) Tony is a guy ...
Contents
2 | |
Forms and Process | 26 |
Sympathy Entrepreneurs and the Grounds for Sympathy | 80 |
4 The Socioemotional Economy Social Value and Sympathy Margin | 128 |
5 Sympathy Biography and the Rules of Sympathy Etiquette | 158 |
The Sympathetic Response | 194 |
7 Sympathy Microhierarchy and Micropolitics | 226 |
8 Epilogue | 252 |
Research Strategies | 261 |
References | 281 |
Name Index | 299 |
Subject Index | 304 |
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Common terms and phrases
accounts actions actor American Appeal asked attention believe cards chapter characters claim consider create cultural described display economy emotions empathy example exchange expect experience explained feel sorry felt Field notes follow friends gifts give giving sympathy grounds husband important individual instance interaction Interview involved judge kind label less lives logic look luck married mean moral mother never notes obligation offer parents percent person plights poor presented Press principle problems reactions receive reciprocity relationship respondents role rules sense sentiment situation social society socioemotional Sociology someone sometimes story sympa sympathetic sympathizee sympathy margins talk things thought tion trouble understand usually victims vignette woman women worker worth York young