Misery and Company: Sympathy in Everyday LifeIn a kind of social tour of sympathy, Candace Clark reveals that the emotional experience we call sympathy has a history, logic, and life of its own. Although sympathy may seem to be a natural, reflexive reaction, people are not born knowing when, for whom, and in what circumstances sympathy is appropriate. Rather, they learn elaborate, highly specific rules—different rules for men than for women—that guide when to feel or display sympathy, when to claim it, and how to accept it. Using extensive interviews, cultural artifacts, and "intensive eavesdropping" in public places, such as hospitals and funeral parlors, as well as analyzing charity appeals, blues lyrics, greeting cards, novels, and media reports, Clark shows that we learn culturally prescribed rules that govern our expression of sympathy. "Clark's . . . research methods [are] inventive and her glimpses of U.S. life revealing. . . . And you have to love a social scientist so respectful of Miss Manners."—Clifford Orwin, Toronto Globe and Mail "Clark offers a thought-provoking and quite interesting etiquette of sympathy according to which we ought to act in order to preserve the sympathy credits we can call on in time of need."—Virginia Quarterly Review |
From inside the book
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Page xii
... parents gave valuable encouragement and support . My parents - in - law did too . Larissa Kravanja , my stepdaughter , provided coding assistance , pats on the back , and insights beyond her years . More than anyone , my husband , Mario ...
... parents gave valuable encouragement and support . My parents - in - law did too . Larissa Kravanja , my stepdaughter , provided coding assistance , pats on the back , and insights beyond her years . More than anyone , my husband , Mario ...
Page 3
... or weak or blind " ( 113 ) . Ik parents banished their children from their round stick - and - thatch houses at about age three ; the children survived only if they found begrudging • acceptance , by no means a given , among bands 3.
... or weak or blind " ( 113 ) . Ik parents banished their children from their round stick - and - thatch houses at about age three ; the children survived only if they found begrudging • acceptance , by no means a given , among bands 3.
Page 4
... parents purposely trapped her inside a hut . Other people's misery provided about the only source of Ik humor that ... parental affection showed itself ; a mother would glow with pleasure to hear such joy occasioned by her offspring ...
... parents purposely trapped her inside a hut . Other people's misery provided about the only source of Ik humor that ... parental affection showed itself ; a mother would glow with pleasure to hear such joy occasioned by her offspring ...
Page 5
... parent , sibling , or mayor . They also feel the ties that bind them to their spouses , other workers , children , sibs , and the electorate . The feelings might include obligation , affection , respect , gratitude , and sympa- thy ...
... parent , sibling , or mayor . They also feel the ties that bind them to their spouses , other workers , children , sibs , and the electorate . The feelings might include obligation , affection , respect , gratitude , and sympa- thy ...
Page 7
... parents in European cities were abandoning as many as a third of their children to almost certain death ( Boswell 1988 ) . This custom was apparently so widespread and taken for granted that it did not occur to most people , let alone ...
... parents in European cities were abandoning as many as a third of their children to almost certain death ( Boswell 1988 ) . This custom was apparently so widespread and taken for granted that it did not occur to most people , let alone ...
Contents
2 | |
Forms and Process | 26 |
Sympathy Entrepreneurs and the Grounds for Sympathy | 80 |
4 The Socioemotional Economy Social Value and Sympathy Margin | 128 |
5 Sympathy Biography and the Rules of Sympathy Etiquette | 158 |
The Sympathetic Response | 194 |
7 Sympathy Microhierarchy and Micropolitics | 226 |
8 Epilogue | 252 |
Research Strategies | 261 |
References | 281 |
Name Index | 299 |
Subject Index | 304 |
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Common terms and phrases
accounts actions actor American Appeal asked attention believe cards chapter characters claim consider create cultural described display economy emotions empathy example exchange expect experience explained feel sorry felt Field notes follow friends gifts give giving sympathy grounds husband important individual instance interaction Interview involved judge kind label less lives logic look luck married mean moral mother never notes obligation offer parents percent person plights poor presented Press principle problems reactions receive reciprocity relationship respondents role rules sense sentiment situation social society socioemotional Sociology someone sometimes story sympa sympathetic sympathizee sympathy margins talk things thought tion trouble understand usually victims vignette woman women worker worth York young