Misery and Company: Sympathy in Everyday LifeIn a kind of social tour of sympathy, Candace Clark reveals that the emotional experience we call sympathy has a history, logic, and life of its own. Although sympathy may seem to be a natural, reflexive reaction, people are not born knowing when, for whom, and in what circumstances sympathy is appropriate. Rather, they learn elaborate, highly specific rules—different rules for men than for women—that guide when to feel or display sympathy, when to claim it, and how to accept it. Using extensive interviews, cultural artifacts, and "intensive eavesdropping" in public places, such as hospitals and funeral parlors, as well as analyzing charity appeals, blues lyrics, greeting cards, novels, and media reports, Clark shows that we learn culturally prescribed rules that govern our expression of sympathy. "Clark's . . . research methods [are] inventive and her glimpses of U.S. life revealing. . . . And you have to love a social scientist so respectful of Miss Manners."—Clifford Orwin, Toronto Globe and Mail "Clark offers a thought-provoking and quite interesting etiquette of sympathy according to which we ought to act in order to preserve the sympathy credits we can call on in time of need."—Virginia Quarterly Review |
From inside the book
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Page 6
... Problems once viewed as trials to be borne become " disasters " worthy of sympathy only after people have tamed their environments and competition for mere survival is not imperative . Advances in agriculture , industrial technology ...
... Problems once viewed as trials to be borne become " disasters " worthy of sympathy only after people have tamed their environments and competition for mere survival is not imperative . Advances in agriculture , industrial technology ...
Page 9
... problem did come to a head and the child had to be removed from his father , because his father has an alcohol problem . He would not seek help , even though he's highly educated . He battered him . The child was being battered . I got ...
... problem did come to a head and the child had to be removed from his father , because his father has an alcohol problem . He would not seek help , even though he's highly educated . He battered him . The child was being battered . I got ...
Page 11
... problem with her eyes . The specialist explained to her how severe it would be . . . blindness , both eyes are dead ... problems , but I have to do it . A friend has to do it . " Another interviewee I will call " Jim Mulcahy , " a ...
... problem with her eyes . The specialist explained to her how severe it would be . . . blindness , both eyes are dead ... problems , but I have to do it . A friend has to do it . " Another interviewee I will call " Jim Mulcahy , " a ...
Page 21
... problems and sympathy make for drama . For the sympathizer , get- ting involved in someone else's " soap opera " can ... problem by him- or herself may offer a verbal or nonverbal social monologue if anyone is there THE SOCIAL CHARACTER ...
... problems and sympathy make for drama . For the sympathizer , get- ting involved in someone else's " soap opera " can ... problem by him- or herself may offer a verbal or nonverbal social monologue if anyone is there THE SOCIAL CHARACTER ...
Page 22
... problem transcends the personal level . Sympathizers interpret the sympathizee's plight within the context of cultural ... problems pulls additional sympathizers into the play and brings the moral issue to the group's attention . If the ...
... problem transcends the personal level . Sympathizers interpret the sympathizee's plight within the context of cultural ... problems pulls additional sympathizers into the play and brings the moral issue to the group's attention . If the ...
Contents
2 | |
Forms and Process | 26 |
Sympathy Entrepreneurs and the Grounds for Sympathy | 80 |
4 The Socioemotional Economy Social Value and Sympathy Margin | 128 |
5 Sympathy Biography and the Rules of Sympathy Etiquette | 158 |
The Sympathetic Response | 194 |
7 Sympathy Microhierarchy and Micropolitics | 226 |
8 Epilogue | 252 |
Research Strategies | 261 |
References | 281 |
Name Index | 299 |
Subject Index | 304 |
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Common terms and phrases
accounts actions actor American Appeal asked attention believe cards chapter characters claim consider create cultural described display economy emotions empathy example exchange expect experience explained feel sorry felt Field notes follow friends gifts give giving sympathy grounds husband important individual instance interaction Interview involved judge kind label less lives logic look luck married mean moral mother never notes obligation offer parents percent person plights poor presented Press principle problems reactions receive reciprocity relationship respondents role rules sense sentiment situation social society socioemotional Sociology someone sometimes story sympa sympathetic sympathizee sympathy margins talk things thought tion trouble understand usually victims vignette woman women worker worth York young