Misery and Company: Sympathy in Everyday LifeIn a kind of social tour of sympathy, Candace Clark reveals that the emotional experience we call sympathy has a history, logic, and life of its own. Although sympathy may seem to be a natural, reflexive reaction, people are not born knowing when, for whom, and in what circumstances sympathy is appropriate. Rather, they learn elaborate, highly specific rules—different rules for men than for women—that guide when to feel or display sympathy, when to claim it, and how to accept it. Using extensive interviews, cultural artifacts, and "intensive eavesdropping" in public places, such as hospitals and funeral parlors, as well as analyzing charity appeals, blues lyrics, greeting cards, novels, and media reports, Clark shows that we learn culturally prescribed rules that govern our expression of sympathy. "Clark's . . . research methods [are] inventive and her glimpses of U.S. life revealing. . . . And you have to love a social scientist so respectful of Miss Manners."—Clifford Orwin, Toronto Globe and Mail "Clark offers a thought-provoking and quite interesting etiquette of sympathy according to which we ought to act in order to preserve the sympathy credits we can call on in time of need."—Virginia Quarterly Review |
From inside the book
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Page 6
... react to one another . This is true for every category of class , ethnicity , age , and gender . Sympathies for those who experience misfortunes and miseries figure into our perceptions and judg- ments of them . Thus , sympathies color ...
... react to one another . This is true for every category of class , ethnicity , age , and gender . Sympathies for those who experience misfortunes and miseries figure into our perceptions and judg- ments of them . Thus , sympathies color ...
Page 12
... reactions to Adupa's death among the Ik . Sympathy for Lisa Steinberg and for her unharmed but neglected younger brother flowed not only from relatives and neighbors but also from thousands of perfect strangers learning of the incident ...
... reactions to Adupa's death among the Ik . Sympathy for Lisa Steinberg and for her unharmed but neglected younger brother flowed not only from relatives and neighbors but also from thousands of perfect strangers learning of the incident ...
Page 14
... react to others ' sympa- thy , sometimes appreciatively , sometimes with resentment or anger . Peo- ple must also learn how , when , and where to claim sympathy , accept it , and decline it with decorum . The feeling rules and logics ...
... react to others ' sympa- thy , sometimes appreciatively , sometimes with resentment or anger . Peo- ple must also learn how , when , and where to claim sympathy , accept it , and decline it with decorum . The feeling rules and logics ...
Page 17
... reactions , obligations , expectations , and senti- ments . Sometimes the bridge begins on one side of the existential space between two people , with either the sympathizer or the sympathizee serv- ing as its primary architect . More ...
... reactions , obligations , expectations , and senti- ments . Sometimes the bridge begins on one side of the existential space between two people , with either the sympathizer or the sympathizee serv- ing as its primary architect . More ...
Page 19
... reaction was to repeat the details of her tortured night . Finally , the nurse responded , " I know how you feel . " " Thank you for your sympathy , " the woman said , and she immedi- ately relaxed her taut muscles , wiped away her ...
... reaction was to repeat the details of her tortured night . Finally , the nurse responded , " I know how you feel . " " Thank you for your sympathy , " the woman said , and she immedi- ately relaxed her taut muscles , wiped away her ...
Contents
2 | |
Forms and Process | 26 |
Sympathy Entrepreneurs and the Grounds for Sympathy | 80 |
4 The Socioemotional Economy Social Value and Sympathy Margin | 128 |
5 Sympathy Biography and the Rules of Sympathy Etiquette | 158 |
The Sympathetic Response | 194 |
7 Sympathy Microhierarchy and Micropolitics | 226 |
8 Epilogue | 252 |
Research Strategies | 261 |
References | 281 |
Name Index | 299 |
Subject Index | 304 |
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Common terms and phrases
accounts actions actor American Appeal asked attention believe cards chapter characters claim consider create cultural described display economy emotions empathy example exchange expect experience explained feel sorry felt Field notes follow friends gifts give giving sympathy grounds husband important individual instance interaction Interview involved judge kind label less lives logic look luck married mean moral mother never notes obligation offer parents percent person plights poor presented Press principle problems reactions receive reciprocity relationship respondents role rules sense sentiment situation social society socioemotional Sociology someone sometimes story sympa sympathetic sympathizee sympathy margins talk things thought tion trouble understand usually victims vignette woman women worker worth York young