Misery and Company: Sympathy in Everyday LifeIn a kind of social tour of sympathy, Candace Clark reveals that the emotional experience we call sympathy has a history, logic, and life of its own. Although sympathy may seem to be a natural, reflexive reaction, people are not born knowing when, for whom, and in what circumstances sympathy is appropriate. Rather, they learn elaborate, highly specific rules—different rules for men than for women—that guide when to feel or display sympathy, when to claim it, and how to accept it. Using extensive interviews, cultural artifacts, and "intensive eavesdropping" in public places, such as hospitals and funeral parlors, as well as analyzing charity appeals, blues lyrics, greeting cards, novels, and media reports, Clark shows that we learn culturally prescribed rules that govern our expression of sympathy. "Clark's . . . research methods [are] inventive and her glimpses of U.S. life revealing. . . . And you have to love a social scientist so respectful of Miss Manners."—Clifford Orwin, Toronto Globe and Mail "Clark offers a thought-provoking and quite interesting etiquette of sympathy according to which we ought to act in order to preserve the sympathy credits we can call on in time of need."—Virginia Quarterly Review |
From inside the book
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Page 5
... sympa- thy . Obligation has probably been the most important of these emotions throughout the history of human societies , the others serving as functional alternatives . That is , if a society does not emphasize affection and sympathy ...
... sympa- thy . Obligation has probably been the most important of these emotions throughout the history of human societies , the others serving as functional alternatives . That is , if a society does not emphasize affection and sympathy ...
Page 12
... sympa- thetic . They provide implicit evidence that sympathy , like love ( Berger 1963 , 35—36 ) , is a socially guided phenomenon . According to our feeling rules , victims of illness , natural disasters , and 12 CHAPTER ONE.
... sympa- thetic . They provide implicit evidence that sympathy , like love ( Berger 1963 , 35—36 ) , is a socially guided phenomenon . According to our feeling rules , victims of illness , natural disasters , and 12 CHAPTER ONE.
Page 14
... sympa- thy , sometimes appreciatively , sometimes with resentment or anger . Peo- ple must also learn how , when , and where to claim sympathy , accept it , and decline it with decorum . The feeling rules and logics for sympathizers and ...
... sympa- thy , sometimes appreciatively , sometimes with resentment or anger . Peo- ple must also learn how , when , and where to claim sympathy , accept it , and decline it with decorum . The feeling rules and logics for sympathizers and ...
Page 15
... Sympa- thetic community volunteers of one era are the " weak sisters " or " bleed- ing hearts " of another . " Enlightened " parents or educators of one genera- tion " spoil " the children of the next . In the professional ...
... Sympa- thetic community volunteers of one era are the " weak sisters " or " bleed- ing hearts " of another . " Enlightened " parents or educators of one genera- tion " spoil " the children of the next . In the professional ...
Page 17
... a person in trouble receives sympathy , he or she may experience a comforting sense of intersubjectivity , of being understood . Both sympathizee and sympa- thizer may feel an arc of connection , liking , THE SOCIAL CHARACTER OF SYMPATHY ...
... a person in trouble receives sympathy , he or she may experience a comforting sense of intersubjectivity , of being understood . Both sympathizee and sympa- thizer may feel an arc of connection , liking , THE SOCIAL CHARACTER OF SYMPATHY ...
Contents
2 | |
Forms and Process | 26 |
Sympathy Entrepreneurs and the Grounds for Sympathy | 80 |
4 The Socioemotional Economy Social Value and Sympathy Margin | 128 |
5 Sympathy Biography and the Rules of Sympathy Etiquette | 158 |
The Sympathetic Response | 194 |
7 Sympathy Microhierarchy and Micropolitics | 226 |
8 Epilogue | 252 |
Research Strategies | 261 |
References | 281 |
Name Index | 299 |
Subject Index | 304 |
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Common terms and phrases
accounts actions actor American Appeal asked attention believe cards chapter characters claim consider create cultural described display economy emotions empathy example exchange expect experience explained feel sorry felt Field notes follow friends gifts give giving sympathy grounds husband important individual instance interaction Interview involved judge kind label less lives logic look luck married mean moral mother never notes obligation offer parents percent person plights poor presented Press principle problems reactions receive reciprocity relationship respondents role rules sense sentiment situation social society socioemotional Sociology someone sometimes story sympa sympathetic sympathizee sympathy margins talk things thought tion trouble understand usually victims vignette woman women worker worth York young