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Then, reader, directly,
THE CENTRIFUGAL RAILWAY
Is a practical illustration of man's ingenuity to turn things upside down, and while he laughs at its wonderful effects, he is constrained to acknowledge the centre of -gravity! A person making a revolution is like a man on the brink of bankruptcy, who rushes down the inclined plane at the rate of one hundred miles an hour, fancying that things must take a turn,” he knows not how, to set him on his legs again; while experience only demonstrates, that he has taken a somerset which leaves him precisely where he was, so far as advantage is concerned (only that he might have made a smash), and that he has reached the end of the movement without bettering his condition. He has “gone on” longer, it is true, but then he is nearer
And MA'AMSELLE CERITO,
But the curtain 's rung down,
stopping than when he started. The fortune-hunter, who marries age and ugliness for money, takes his seat in the centrifugal railway of matrimony, only that he encounters the plain without the proper inclination.
The spendthrift is ever travelling by a centrifugal railway, the impetus of which causes him to " run up” so much more than he intended, and at so quick a rate, that he unconsciously acquires the habits of “a fast goer,” and nothing stays his progress until he quietly settles down in her gracious Majesty's Fleet!
Verily, there are more centrifugal railways in the moral than in the material world !
DR. SCALPEL. — I admit,
my dear Stethescope, the truth
The Artist of this sketch
of your remarks ; but it's
ventures to suggest, there is
clearly my opinion there's
no doubt the reader's opinion
no hope for him. “We are
coincides exactly with the
three,” but he must sink under
it-he stands no chance !
TOUCHING THE TOILET.
E may pronounce the attributes of the Toilet as tri-fold, for 't is equally a
pleasure, a task, and an art. Presuming there is no rule without an exception, and that loveliness does, sometimes “need the foreign aid of
ornament," it becomes a pleasure to the comely youth and maiden who indulge in it, to set off the gifts of nature to advantage. 'Tis a task to the man of forty, striving to please by throwing a discount of twenty-five per cent. off his years, on to his personal appearance. ’T is a task for the pretty woman of thirty, who toiletizes to preserve a lover; for her of thirty-six, who seeks to make fresh conquests; and for the not positively handsome woman of every age.
To the studious and retired man, whose disposition inclines him to avoid society, but whom some accidental circumstance or other compels to present himself in full dress there, 't is, perhaps, the greatest task in the world.
With the actor it becomes an art which he studies all his life, and in which he invariably attains, as far as regards the stage, a certain perfection. 'Tis also an art (perhaps we might say, a religion) amongst our strictly fashionable dames, who with such intense devotion seek after the perfection of taste and elegance.
The toilet of woman is an index which rarely deceives us. She who is prudish, dresses very badly; she who is shrewish-dowdily, and without grace; she who is vain-in discordant hues, or else in. too many, as though she had dipped herself in a rainbow. The bluestocking dresses slovenly; the parvenu, with disregard to good taste, and, when she becomes a widow, jauntily (like all the "Barnabies"), mixing a profusion of gold chain and bracelets with her weeds, as a dazzling foil to her mean origin,-a tribute to the departed, and a bait for the future. The real lady, only, possesses all the resources of the art; she alone knows how to choose and harmonise the colours of her costume; to determine the size, form, and cut of her vestments; and by their aid to lessen or increase, change or modify, reveal or conceal, her beauties and, supposing them possible, her blemishes.
In the "golden age,” before the days of looking-glasses, magazins de modes, mantuamakers, and milliners, Cupid's arms were his bow and quiver. In these modern times, the arts and mysteries of the toilet may properly be called the ammunition and military tactics of Love.
It seldom happens that a man distinguished by real ability and merit, is affected in his dress. He generally pushes negligence, in this respect, even beyond reasonable bounds ; nevertheless, the line of demarcation has two extreme points : hen we cannot help regarding him who always presents himself to us studiously and finely dressed, as of even secondary mind.
The doctor, the professor, the lawyer, the talented writer, and the distinguished artist, dress in sombre hues, generally in black. Commercial travellers, sporting men, clerks, and shopmen, adopt every variety of colour that graces a tailor's pattern-card.
The thorough-bred gentleman never dresses smartly on Sundays, high-days, or holidays; neither should he, for he has six opportunities of doing so, where most persons have but one. Your regular dandy seldom appears abroad on these occasions; but when he does, he prefers making the circuit of a mile to avoid traversing a public thoroughfare.
OF THE HAT.-"QUI CAPIT ILLE FACIT!"
The Hat, by its form, and the manner in which it is worn, assists materially the study of the man it covers.
He who cocks it on one side, is a coward or a bully; he that wears it thrown backwards, a simpleton. The man who bears his beaver forward, is a banterer and a sneerer.