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The Emperor, seeing himself in a mess,
On his Ministers threw
(As sovereigns do When they've got themselves into a terrible scrape) The onus of finding the means of escape.
So the Mandarins were called together,
And all day they sat
Upon this and that,
That opium sha'n't be sold again;
It was also decreed,
And in council agreed,
To mourn for those
Whose wretched blood the Chinese nation
Intended to shed;
And considered them therefore dead
Some drains were constructed exceedingly deep, To keep the Celestial Empire dry.
Together they met,
And to blubbering set.
Was so much whine, or
Such a lot of heavy wet.
In conclave came,
To sigh and cry,
With two peacock's eyes
Placed side by side together (Though talking of plumage, he'd shewn no right
To any feather but the white).
The valiant Admiral Kwang,
Upon consideration, thought he Might venture hostilities slap-bang; And cheers through the Chinese squadron rang,
When English vessels two
Came right in view Of the gallant Chinese band,
Amounting in all
To an army small
But deuce a bit
An Indian envoy sent,
Who bowed and smiled wherever he went;
Could they any one hit, Or fear in the foe inspire.
At length, almost in fun,
To ruminate on the affair ; and he thought it, On the whole, decidedly better not
Just as it happened to report it. For the Emperor 's a sort of man Who, whether they can't or whether they can, Expects the troops who receive his pay, On all occasions to win the day ;
And so he was told,
In language glorious,
Had been victorious.
So the Chinese guards took him in state
By way of a prize
He received a feather
The finny tribe that did partake of it
Salmon and cod
Became in their manner exceedingly odd;
Tumbled and reeled about in shoals ;
Whales and sharks
Frightened old Neptune himself with their larks.
Of the wholesome regulation
For their intoxication.
But, quitting the sea, let's understand