The husband who strives to rule his house wisely, and to treat his wife lovingly, will have abundance of enjoyment, while he who neglects home, and alienates his affections, will be full of regret, and deprive himself of many blessings. It is as true of families as it is of nations: All states among whom the regulations regarding women are bad (as among the Lacedemonians), enjoy scarcely the half of happiness."*

* Arist. Rhet., i. 5, 6.

CHAPTER IV.

WIVES.

God has set in families, as in the heavens, two lights, the one to shine in the absence of the other; and though the position of the one is inferior, yet it is an inferiority graced with honour and excellence.

The man is formed for hardness, for valour, for work; the woman for tenderness, for meekness, for endurance. The excellence of the one is not the excellence of the other, nor do the qualities of the one become the other. Energy is the glory of the man; woman's best ornament is a meek and quiet spirit; and in a domestic point of view this is far more precious than gold, or pearls and precious stones.

A woman must be cautious in bestowing her affections in marriage, because afterwards she must make the best of her choice, whether those affections have been given to an excellent or a worthless man. The vine tendrils must cling as they are fixed, to the capital of a marble column, or to the sign-post of an inn.*

It is a lamentable mistake when a woman looks on

* "Les Misérables," p. 316.

marriage as a prize won and done, and fancies that there is no more need for attractiveness, and is careless whether she offends or disgusts; for marriage so regarded is sure to end in disappointment. A woman is attractive to win a husband; she must be attractive to keep him, to retain his love, and respect, and reverence; and perhaps it is not too much to say, as has indeed been said by some who were most happy, that married life is a perpetual courtship. Nature teaches wives a lesson in this respect from the insect world: the glowworm all through life attracts her partner by her phosphoric light.

A man may laugh at the sallies, and, for a time, be amused with the indecorums of a girl of the period; but a husband is alienated by coarseness and indelicacy, and would dread them above all things in a wife. In the mind of Napoleon towards Josephine reverence survived love, because the deposed empress had never, in all her married life, violated the decorum of private life. On the other hand, Queen Isabella of Spain fled from her throne, despised and unpitied, because she had not only been indelicate but indecent. Sweet, compliant manners* delight a husband, and the goodness of a wife keeps alive the soul of goodness in a husband; but, where the wife is bad, confidence even in goodness itself is disturbed, and the man grows worse and worse.t The cultivation of an attractive demeanour tends to

* "Morigerisque modis."-Lucret., iv. 1281.

† Εἰκότως, κακῆς γυναικὸς ἄνδρα γίγνεσθαι κακόν.—Eurip. Orestes, 737.

draw, a careless and unbecoming behaviour repels; and in repelling disunites. Now, as unity of feeling is the best marriage blessing,* there should be an habitual effort on both sides to preserve it intact. Ecclesiastical schisms have sometimes been blessings, but domestic schisms must always be curses.

The true orbit of a wife is home. St. Paul, although unmarried, was right in his direction to wives, that they should be keepers at home. The Greeks with admirable insight and fitness sculptured Venus on a tortoise, to teach that very lesson. It is indeed a bad sign of a woman, when her feet abide not in the house. When it was fashionable for English women to make pilgrimages to Rome, they left scandal behind them in the various cities of France and Italy, through which they passed. The reason why the wife is to be a keeper at home is that she may make and keep it indeed a home; a shady retreat for her husband from the glare, a quiet refuge from the turmoil of the world. The husband has the public struggle; he has many vexations out of doors; many annoyances, which send him home worn and irritated. Happy is he who finds in his home one to comfort and soothe him! In spite of the wisest tact and precaution there will occasionally be times of dejection: the domestic circle will be sometimes clouded; the heavens themselves, though oftenest clear, are sometimes lowering. There may even be

* Odyssey, vi. 183.

Prov. vii. II.

† Οἰκουροί.—Titus ii. 5.

§ Mosh., "Cent." viii., part 2, ch. iii. Schlegel's note.

outbursts of passion, and domestic thunderstorms. These may also be wisely managed. Every one knows how the metallic spiry rod attracts the lightning, guiding it childlike down, and then disperses it in the ground beneath; so womanly meekness can receive the flashes of human anger, and conduct them harmlessly away.

The patience of woman is beyond all praise. Look at the victims in our police courts. The wife contused and bandaged refuses to criminate her brutal husband; and often this is done with a wise instinct, for she detects insanity in his passion.* * The sufferer conquers : vincit qui patitur; for the spectacle of silent and unmerited suffering will produce a reaction in hearts that are not thoroughly hardened. To the tempest of passion succeeds the calm of reflection, when the unkind husband may condemn himself, and atone by abundant kindness for past wrongs.

One of the most painful trials a wife can have is a discovery that her husband is alienated from her. In such a case more than patience is needed; there is wanted tact and discretion. Upbraidings would only widen the breach, which judicious forbearance and attractive grace may build up and cement. For a time William of Orange was a negligent husband. He was drawn away from his wife by other women, particularly by one of her ladies, Elizabeth Villiers. In spite of all his precautions and concealment, Mary well knew that

* "She ought not to keep it on her mind, but to lay the blame on disease or ignorance."-Arist. Econ., i. 7.