To woo the breeze that coys the sail, And wanton with the wanton wave Or in its Lethe cool to lave I would I were on that storm-tossed sea, It never would frighten my boat or me, I'd leave the world so far behind, And I'd ride along on the whirling wind— To sail away, away! TIDE. EDITOR'S SADDLE-BAGS. THE POETS OF THE UNITED STATES are appealed to by Dr. Snodgrass, of New-York, for poetry to be read at the dedication of the cemetery at Antietam, September 17th. Here is a chance for the poets of THE NORTHERN MONTHLY and their reviewers which we hope will be improved. We might save them a little trouble, and give the doctor and his committee something to do at once by making an early shipment of from fifteen to twenty well-packed crates of such effusions as we can't use, and yet probably as good as much that the doctor will be supplied with. We will assure the committee, while making up our mind as to the shipment aforesaid, that we are out of Ball. That author's productions have been exhausted since scribblers generally have been engaged in writing him up. The principal objection to this use of these writings is to whom shall the freight-bill go? The committee can't afford to pay it, and, although the room they occupy is valuable, the proprietor of THE NORTHERN MONTHLY won't. We have it let every person who has sent lines to this office also send their photographs, and we will agree to publish : the poetry (?) (God save the mark!) sent by the homeliest man and the prettiest woman, and pay the freight on the balance. Send on your pictures! We have arranged an album forty-two by sixteen feet on hinges that can be thrown out from the wall, as the paper-hangers show the "panels," so as to accommodate these pictures on both sides. If we are short of room, we think our genius will be equal to the emergency. IN the last number of THE NORTHERN MONTHLY we had our gossip on printers and on books, on patriots and paddies, on poets and Bohemians, on literature in general, and, in fact, on every thing that we had supposed worth gossiping about. Yet, withal, some of our friends positively say we have still failed in pleasing every body, although, heaven be praised, more fortunate than the man and his ass, we have, it is admitted, succeeded in pleasing somebody. The only reason we have heard assigned for our failure in pleasing every body is, that we had omitted a sufficient supply of that necessary ingredient-gammon. Now, as upon gammon so much de 66 less its similarity to the saline is had constantly in remembrance. Item, as the one suiteth not to fruits, conserves, and the like, so the other is incompatible with divinity, friendship, and the affairs of private intercourse. One of the greatest institutions the world has ever known has been shaken to its foundation by the neglect of this principle. When the Pope first began to reign in the city of Rome, he committed the fatal error of employing gammon in the cause of religion. It was in this wise: Having found a bronze statue of Jupiter left behind by the pagans whom he had superseded, he consulted his then secretary, a crafty friar of the order of St. Jeremy Diddler, as to the purpose which the image might be made to serve. The friar, who was unfortunately of the extreme gammonian school in philosophy, immediately suggested that a trifling change should be made in its name, and that it should be erected in the great basilica of the faithful as a statue of the Jew Peter. The unwary disciples of the church never discovered the imposition, as it is the nature of gammon to prevent their doing, and the consequence has been a gradual degeneration from that day to this. Such is the effect of employing this valuable moral condiment on occasions when it is by its own nature prohibited. As an illustration of the really judicious use of gammon take the following: pends the success of almost every un-can never be skillfully employed undertaking in this sensational age, and, more especially, such an one as that in which we are engaged, we purpose indulging ourselves with a little twaddle on this apparently all-important auxiliary. On consulting our dictionary we find the term gammon thus defined: "Gammon, [It. gamba.] The buttock or thigh of a hog, pickled and smoked, or dried. To impose on a person by making him believe improbable stories." Further research enables us to discover that gammon" is derived from the Greek, gamos, gamou, gamon, which signifieth politics, in which gammon is supposed to have been first practiced, and in which it continueth to be an indispensable accompaniment in the present day. [Extract from the Pursuit of Nonsense under Difficulties, by Professor Pumpkin, of the University of Jabberdeen. Page 1867.] Gammon appeareth to bear a strong resemblance to the condiment salt. Taken by itself, it surpasseth all things in the unsavory and nauseous quality of its essence, but, when ingeniously combined with other ingredients, it imparteth thereto a palatable and insinuating flavor, which causeth them to be greedily devoured, and hindereth our making question of their origin or nature. As without salt the flesh of mutton and beeves would be unacceptable to the human chylometer, SO without gammon would the doctrines of jurisprudence, physic, state-craft, and other excellent sciences be repugnant to the public mind; and further, as the purvey. or of such comminuted edibles as are now known under the barbarous term of polonies (from a city in Italy famous for their manufacture, called Bologna) can render it impossible for the palate to discover the difference between the carnal substance of a cat and that of a pig, by the disguise and excellent charm imparted to both through the means of saline and the like palatial persuasives; so will a completely indoctrinated professor of any art or science, by an elaborate admixture of the potent accessory, gammon, similarly confuse the false and the true elements of his vocation, in such manner that the one shall be mistaken for the other. But gammon "CHEAP JOHNS'-HOW THEY WORK THE ORACLE.-During my peregrination through one of the periodical fairs held in the town of Walsall-an ancient borough situate in that part of South-Staffordshire commonly called the 'Black Country,' from the extensive coal mines, iron works, and blast furnaces with which it is surroundedmy attention was attracted by a waggish-looking customer perched upon a wagon well stored with a motley stock of hardware and other articles. He was holding forth in the loquacious fashion peculiar to the cheap John' fraternity, to the amusement and gratification of a large crowd of embryotic and wistful buyers, of both sexes and all ages. After trying several half dozens of forks and knives at the 'low price' of half a crown per half-dozen, and finding they would not sell, he put up a half a dozen, similar thereto in appearance, at two shillings, which at once went off, and another, and another, till he had disposed of eight or ten lots in a trice. After having carefully pocketed the money for the last halfdozen, he straightened himself up, dived both hands in the pockets of his unmentionables, put his head on one side, and, with a good-humored contempt, thus unburdened himself re garding the bargain-hunting propensities of the Black Country' denizens: 'Well, you are a pretty set-sure enough! If I put up a sterling article at half a crown, you won't buy it, and grudge the money; but as soon as I put up a lot of cast-metal rubbish at two shillings a half-dozen, ye're all fightin' who'll get at 'em, though they an't worth sixpence, and they'll neither do, nor not do, nor nothin'. See here, chap, hand me up one of that halfdozen knives you've bought, and I'll let you see what it's made of.' The purchaser addressed here handed up the desired article, and 'John,' critically examining the same and holding it up, ironically exclaimed: 'Oh! isn't it a beauty? It's as clear as crystal, and as true as steel, and when you bend (suiting the action to the word) you don't break it-oh! no, only it remains in this beautiful shape!' And, holding up the knife which he had bent over his thumb, it remained curved like a piece of a broken barrelhoop. Then, assuming a look of of fended dignity, he exclaimed: 'Now, what d'ye think of yourselves? Every one that has bought them forks and knives cheap has just bought trash like this. say it's a tarnation shame, when a man, as wishes to do honestly by you, and comes and offers you good steel forks and knives at two-and-sixpence a half-dozen, and you won't buy 'em, but opens your mouths to swallow rubbish tha an't scarce worth nothin'. I tell you, cheap folks as has bought them knives, they're all like this in my hand-much good may they d yer-and don't yer feel 'shamed of yerselves? I bought them forks and knives at sixpence a half-dozen, and here's you, in greed of a bargain, giving me eighteen pence clear profit! Thank you kindly, friends-very kindly. But when I put up forks and knives as has cost me two-and-four pence ha'penny, and on which I've only three ha'pence of profit, ye're so very ekkinomikle that ye'd rather not tuy 'em. Now, gen'l'men, this is just puttin' a premium on vice-it's nothin' elsethis conduct of your'n; and if it weren't that I wouldn't sell my character for three ha'pence, nor for eighteen pence neither, I wouldn't be such a goose as to save yer from your folly. But, as I'm an honest man, I'm ready to take back all these half-dozens of rubbish at two shillings and lose my eighteen pence, and supply yer with a first-class article at two-and-sixpence, which 'ill bend like an S and straighten like an I, though I only have three ha'pence of profit on 'em; and I warn yer after this never to tempt, by your greed, a man that's poor, for every poor man's not so honest as some is.' At the conclusion of this harangue, which was delivered in character, and which was received by the lookers-on with shouts of laughter at the unfortunate buyers who had been sixpenny wise and eighteen-penny foolish, a forest of arms was held up with their two shilling purchases in order to have them exchanged for the others at two-and-sixpence. This, it is needless to say, John' speedily did, while shouting 'Sold again,' and showering moral maxims on the ears of the victims of their own greed, while he gave them the same knives at the advanced price." ANOTHER incident has lately turned up which will serve to show to what extent gammon may be made available. A tailor in a Western city was enterprising enough to send a suit of gentleman's clothing to the Paris Exposition, and was awarded a prize. A local paper, in its enthusiasm over the event, lets off thus: "Our worthy and esteemed citizen has achieved a triumph that will render his name immortal to the end of all time-a triumph which can not fail to mark him not only a truly brave man, but a consummate artist. Be it remembered he has taken the prize in Paris; yea, in Paris, where all the nations of the world have been called into competition, and where all the crowned heads of Europe have been eye-witnesses to the fact; in Paris, which has heretofore been acknowledged as the great fountain-head of all fashion." The New-York Times, after expressing, in strong terms, its regret that Gotham should have been so apathetic as to allow a Western "snip" to monopolize so high an honor, remarks: "We shall probably soon learn by cable of the fearful state of mind into which the Parisian tailors have been thrown by this great American triumph; for if, in this matter, Paris has really been compelled to succumb to a city situated on the further side of the Mississippi River, there is no more glory for France, and the emperor might as well pack up his old clothes and remove to this country at once." [We have been anxiously awaiting the result, but up to the hour of going to press no telegram of any breach of the peace has been received. The Herald will have it that a revolution has taken place, but, through the neglect of the " Associated Press" has not been communicated.-ED. N. M.] SPEAKING of tailors-Speed, the historian, was a tailor. Stow, the antiquarian, was also a tailor. Elliot's regiments of light-horse was chiefly composed of tailors; and the first man who suggested the idea of abolishing the slave-trade was Thomas Woolman, a Quaker, and a tailor, of New-Jersey. A LESSON IN MORALIZING.-Reader, have you ever studied that remarkable work, The Pursuit of Nonsense under Difficulties, by Professor Pumpkin? If not, by all means do so. We seldom pass a day without digesting a chapter or two, and can vouch for the valuable hints which it supplies. Guided by the light of the learned professor's admirable reflections, one can trace a meaning and find a moral in the most ordinary occurrence. The other day, for instance, we took a trip to Staten Island, and in the course of our wanderings came across a merry throng of juvenile excursionists en joying themselves as only juveniles can. Among the various pastimes provided was the old-fashioned "round institution was wont to be called in our youthful days. How amusing to observe with what energy the exhilarated youngsters, mounted on a revolving circle of wooden substitutes for horses, plied the imaginary whip and spur, and how frantically they grasped the bridle and applied the equestrian heel, as if engaged in a veritable contest at Epsom or Jerome Park. Little did these little ones care to reflect that theirs was a progress that would terminate just where it had begun, and which traversed only a fragmentary orbit little larger than the wheel of an ordinary wagon. Still less did they know that in their innocent enjoyment they were the unconscious impersonators of some of the most distinguished paragons of wisdom, and were thus aptly illustrating the movements daily carried on in the social and political world. For example: there is that renowned Corkonian patriot and most enterprising drygoods-man, of Bowery fame, W. R. Roberts, pirouetting upon an equally inanimate hobby-horse, denoted Fenianism. Here is President Johnson and that model Secretary of State, Seward, clinging together in delirious excitement upon the back of another lig neous pony which is docketed with the name Constitution. Next comes the military hero, Butler, endeavoring to stimulate into real action by the magnetic power of his marvelously acute visual organs the fictitious animal Impeachment. Here, too, is Thad Stevens upon L'Africaine; Horace Greeley upon Jeff Ďavis; Judge Edmonds upon Spirit-rappers; Superintendent Kennedy upon Excise; Brigham Young upon Polygamy, with a host of other distinguished adults who are diligently and unconsciously circling round an orbit as narrow and as endless as that of our juvenile "merry-go-round." that the Legislature of that State adA COUNTRY paper in Wisconsin says journed "non compos." This is about as bad as the statement made by the Hall, Chicago, about six years ago, chairman of a meeting held in Byron declaring a certain resolution passed "crim con!" AN amusing incident is related of about," or merry-go-round," as the a half-intoxicated native of the Eme 66 rald Isle, who was momentarily pros- | directly forward into the street. He trated by the flash of lightning which was fortunately uninjured, but could struck the new building corner of Centre street and Merchants' Row, in Rutland, Vt., on the Fourth of July. It seems he had taken his stand in one of the front windows of that building, to view the procession; and when the lightning struck, it had the effect to raise him from his feet and throw him not bear such an imaginary insult, and, instantaneously divesting himself of his coat, exclaimed: "Be jabers, I can lick the man that pushed me out o' that window! Which o' ye done it ?" The effect of this short but expressive speech upon the bystanders can better be imagined than described. THE NEW-JERSEY STATE LITERARY UNION. THE New-Jersey State Literary and suggestions, not to mention the Union held its semi-annual meeting speeches, some of which rivaled the in the elegant rooms of the Newark mercury in its ambitious efforts in Literary Club, opposite the Park, New- the thermometer. ark, July 16th, 1867. A large number of societies were represented. This is the dull season for literature in the creative and merchantable sense, but the interest shown in the welfare of the Union at this meeting was at no time deficient. The New-Jersey Editors had a "good time" at Long Branch at their semiannual meeting, and why may not the Literary Associations have theirs under the shadows of the noble elms that hang their protecting boughs over their Council Chamber in the fair city of Newark? The representatives thought they could, and so they acted. The very able and exhaustive address of the President, at the opening of the meeting of the Board, will probably be published with the minutes of the session, and therefore we prefer not to give a synopsis, which would but injure the "harmonious whole." To the constant efforts of this gentleman is due much of the credit for the growth and value of the Union to the societies and the State. The champion banner was permitted to rest in the winner's hands for one year unmolested-longer if it could again earn it. Action was then had upon the report of the committee, appointed at the meeting in January, to authorize the publication of a magazine, if it was thought wise and practicable. Some discussion followed in regard to the conduct of the Magazine, (referring to some comments made by the press,) upon the rejection of articles contributed by society members, thereby discouraging their efforts. The editor explained that he had rejected no matter of interest to the Union; that he alone could be the judge of what literary matter should be printed; that he had rejected nothing from any society creditable to the author or the the Union; that he had published only the best articles that came under his eye from whatsoever source; and that he should stili pursue the same course. John Whitehead, Esq., representative from Morristown, and the author of the very able series of papers now being published in THE NORTHERN MONTHLY on the History of the English Language, reviewed the history and conduct of this magazine at The session continued two days, length and with great ability. He during which much business was trans- maintained that "this magazine, as acted, prominent among which was now edited, was an honor to the Union the Literary Tournament and the Ma--a magazine of which we may all be gazine. The former ran the gauntlet proud. Setting aside the articles which of various amendments, alterations, the editor has been kind enough to ask Reports were received from societies in all parts of the State, showing the importance and value of the Union, and a growing appreciation of its worth by its members. |